A year ago, God told me that he was going to take me through
something really hard. I kind of laughed because I felt I had
already been through hard. 😂 I was also a little scared because
... I had already been through hard. 😬 So I made a "deal" with
God (though you can't really make deals with God and I certainly
wouldn't advise it):​I would walk through whatever he wanted me
to if he would just give me a heads up first so I could wrap my
mind around whatever it is before "it" happens. (You know, like
letting you know where the spider web is before you walk
face-first into it?) For the past year, I've known what the
outcome will be before every hearing, what schemes are going on
behind the scenes, where to find the evidence, where to find the
law, and what these agencies and their counterparts are going to
try and do to me. It's like being right in the middle of a
conspiracy and being fully aware of the conspiracy. ​I've gone
back and forth about whether or not this is a good thing: On the
one hand -- knowing what's going to happen to me before it
happens makes me a little anxious and edgy. If you can imagine,
being told that someone is going to false hotline you, try to
fabricate evidence of child abuse, neglect, or abandonment (which
has very serious implications for one's life), or try to take
your children is extremely scary. Being told that a hearing isn't
going to go your way before you even walk into it and that you
need to build your case for a higher court from the outset isn't
what a budget-conscious super exhausted mother (like me) wants to
hear. Nobody wants to deal with "Child Protective Services" for
five minutes, let alone 18 months (and counting). ​On the other
hand, imagine the benefits of being on the Titanic and knowing
there was an iceberg, where it was located, and what you needed
to do to avoid it before you ever even hit the iceberg
trajectory?Imagine knowing the strategy of the other side before
you even go into battle -- and that GOD has a plan and you're
walking in it. ​I guess at the end of the day I would rather be a
step ahead than bask in the glow of my own ignorance or live the
life of my former privleged self (before I experienced the
corruption of the foster care system, the hardships of single
motherhood and adoption, or the plight of divorce). ​I'm not sure
what the moral of this story is: "Don't ask unless you really
want to know?" Kidding. ​The moral of the story is that there is
a God, a reason you're positioned where you are, and a bigger
plan that you're a part of. If a hearing doesn't go my way, I
don't think of myself as a loser. I think about the fact that I'm
incurring the injuries I need to incur to be a winner in a future
case that affects a whole lot more people than just myself. ​And
now I'm off to the counseling I shouldn't have to go to but for
the fact that I need to develop healthy coping mechnisms to deal
with the trauma inflicted upon me by the Department of Family (?)
Services. ​Happy Tuesday everyone!​Love, ​Megan ​P.S - Pretty
sure I'm supposed to be sending you emails with promo codes and
stuff. Next email ... I promise.

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