A year ago, God told me that he was going to take me through something really hard. I kind of laughed because I felt I had already been through hard. 😂 I was also a little scared because ... I had already been through hard. 😬 So I made a "deal" with God (though you can't really make deals with God and I certainly wouldn't advise it):
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I would walk through whatever he wanted me to if he would just give me a heads up first so I could wrap my mind around whatever it is before "it" happens. (You know, like letting you know where the spider web is before you walk face-first into it?) For the past year, I've known what the outcome will be before every hearing, what schemes are going on behind the scenes, where to find the evidence, where to find the law, and what these agencies and their counterparts are going to try and do to me. It's like being right in the middle of a conspiracy and being fully aware of the conspiracy.
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I've gone back and forth about whether or not this is a good thing: On the one hand -- knowing what's going to happen to me before it happens makes me a little anxious and edgy. If you can imagine, being told that someone is going to false hotline you, try to fabricate evidence of child abuse, neglect, or abandonment (which has very serious implications for one's life), or try to take your children is extremely scary. Being told that a hearing isn't going to go your way before you even walk into it and that you need to build your case for a higher court from the outset isn't what a budget-conscious super exhausted mother (like me) wants to hear. Nobody wants to deal with "Child Protective Services" for five minutes, let alone 18 months (and counting).
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On the other hand, imagine the benefits of being on the Titanic and knowing there was an iceberg, where it was located, and what you needed to do to avoid it before you ever even hit the iceberg trajectory?Imagine knowing the strategy of the other side before you even go into battle -- and that GOD has a plan and you're walking in it.
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I guess at the end of the day I would rather be a step ahead than bask in the glow of my own ignorance or live the life of my former privleged self (before I experienced the corruption of the foster care system, the hardships of single motherhood and adoption, or the plight of divorce).
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I'm not sure what the moral of this story is: "Don't ask unless you really want to know?" Kidding.
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The moral of the story is that there is a God, a reason you're positioned where you are, and a bigger plan that you're a part of. If a hearing doesn't go my way, I don't think of myself as a loser. I think about the fact that I'm incurring the injuries I need to incur to be a winner in a future case that affects a whole lot more people than just myself.
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And now I'm off to the counseling I shouldn't have to go to but for the fact that I need to develop healthy coping mechnisms to deal with the trauma inflicted upon me by the Department of Family (?) Services.
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Happy Tuesday everyone!
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Love,
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Megan
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P.S - Pretty sure I'm supposed to be sending you emails with promo codes and stuff. Next email ... I promise.