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SCHILL, BABY, SCHILL
Donald Trump struck a deal to seize Venezuela’s oil in a haphazard effort to lower gas prices. Experts say it looks doomed to fail, as fresh details come to light.
There are big oil deals… and there are ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE oil deals. President Donald Trump’s takeover of Venezuelan crude sits firmly in that second category. After kidnapping Venezuela’s former president, Nicolás Maduro, and piling pressure on the country, Trump announced on Friday night that the U.S. will effectively seize control of 65 billion barrels of the country’s proven oil reserves.
Pause on that number for just a second, because it’s almost impossible to grasp. That much oil is worth about $5 trillion at current market value, or almost 15 percent of annual U.S. economic output. It’s more oil than is held by oil giants ExxonMobil, Chevron, Shell, BP and TotalEnergies — combined. It’s also far more than lies under U.S. soil, and enough to satisfy all of Europe’s oil demand for almost two decades.
But Trump’s mega-deal is as misguided as it is enormous. The scheme underscores that the U.S. intervention in Venezuela was all about plunder and not helping the Venezuelan people (shocker). What’s more, it won’t help Trump bring down gas prices before the midterms… or anytime soon.
Details about how this strange operation might go down are starting to leak: The Pentagon will reportedly enter [ [link removed] ] a joint venture with a private Venezuela company to develop oil fields across the country. Who runs that company? A businessman wanted by Swiss authorities [ [link removed] ]. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is gonna love this guy!
Like a glitzy Trump casino, this venture seems troubled from the start.
News of the unprecedented deal left oil experts scratching their heads. There are many glaring problems [ [link removed] ]: The U.S. doesn’t have a national oil company, so it’s unclear who will actually drill, pump and ship the oil. There’s no guarantee that American oil companies would want to participate since Trump said the U.S. will buy oil at cost (which means: zero profit). And Delcy Rodríguez, Venezuela’s interim president, still hasn’t been formally elected as president, raising questions about the legitimacy of her government.
And then there’s the pesky little problem that Venezuela’s constitution says the country’s oil reserves belong to the state and can’t be sold — meaning this deal appears [ [link removed] ], on its face, flatly unconstitutional.
Meanwhile, Trump insists this deal will “substantially lower gas prices” in the United States — which is nonsense. These undeveloped oil fields will need years of investment [ [link removed] ] before they start spouting black gold.
Even some of Trump’s supporters are skeptical about his intentions in Venezuela. “Maybe I was a little too naive here,” Fox News host Rachel Campos-Duffy said yesterday [ [link removed] ], explaining that she thought Trump wanted to help people suffering under Maduro’s rule.
One British political economist summarized [ [link removed] ] Trump’s actions: “Remove the leader. Install a new government. Loot the country’s natural resources. What the U.S. is doing in Venezuela has a name: imperial conquest.”
WHAT ELSE? 👀
The Supreme Court ruled that Donald Trump can keep [ [link removed] ] building his White House ballroom. It was a 5-4 decision, with Chief Justice John Roberts joining the liberals in dissent. “Construction of the ballroom has proceeded apace for the better part of a year. That construction is likely unlawful,” Roberts wrote.
The U.S. and Iran exchanged strikes [ [link removed] ] for the first time in weeks today, as Trump’s team claimed that it aimed to prevent Iran from laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz. “Iran is officially a Failed Nation. IT IS DEAD!” Trump ranted on social media. Whatever you say, grandpa.
The Pentagon secretly hired conservative military influencers [ [link removed] ] with large followings, who have been boosting Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s talking points and attacking Trump critics, the Post reports.
Google Maps officially changed Lake Ontario [ [link removed] ] to “Lake America” after Trump’s executive order last week, at least for users in America. The company said users in Canada would still see “Lake Ontario.” The name change is “like something out of ‘Saturday Night Live,’” Ontario Premier Doug Ford told ABC News. Just FYI: Apple Maps is still holding strong with “Lake Ontario!”
The Trump administration plans to slash the amount [ [link removed] ] of global health funding for developing nations by more than half by 2030, according to a new analysis. The cuts, amounting to tens of billions of dollars, will affect programs that combat HIV and AIDS, Ebola, tuberculosis, and other diseases.
Trump threatened to report NBC’s Kristen Welker [ [link removed] ] to the FCC for punishment after she pointed out that the president’s endorsements in the primaries have had “some mixed results.” In a social media post, Trump claimed his endorsements are “without question, the strongest Endorsement in the History of Politics. If it were not, I would be the first to admit it.”
Former Rep. George Santos earned the first lifetime ban [ [link removed] ] from Kalshi, after the company said that he likely engaged in insider trading. What did Santos bet against, you ask? His own attendance at the State of the Union. He made $17,839 from the scheme — before Kalshi fined him $71,356. “Hey @Kalshi thanks for the lifetime ban from your gambling platform,” Santos tweeted [ [link removed] ]. “Let’s see how much longer you guys are around for. 💋”
LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️
So much food has been recalled lately that [ [link removed] ] a comedy writer decided to pen a spoof article, pretending to be HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. explaining how to make “the perfect salad to end your summer.” Every ingredient listed has been, you guessed it, recalled. The first instruction: “DO NOT WASH lettuce. This is cheating.”
Scientists in Vermont are injecting elm trees with disease spores [ [link removed] ] to make them more resilient to a disease that has killed tens of millions of the deciduous trees over the past century. Those that survive the injections will be used to breed disease-tolerant trees.
Team USA goaltender Aerin Frankel has become [ [link removed] ] the nation’s preeminent caesar salad influencer. I’m getting hungry just looking at her food account [ [link removed] ].
Meryl Streep and producer Wendy Finerman, the legends [ [link removed] ] behind “The Devil Wears Prada” and its sequel, plan to auction off iconic pieces from the set, including the infamous tassel jacket that Streep’s character wears, on September 10. The proceeds will go to the Committee to Protect Journalists and the Council of Fashion Designers of America.
A metal detector-wielding Ohio man found a wedding band [ [link removed] ] that his dad had lost while washing his car in the ‘70s, buried eight inches in the ground. “When I picked the ring up and I put it on my finger, I realized my dad was the last one to have it on his finger and I’m the first person to put it on my finger,” the man said. “And I realized that’s the closest thing to touching my dad again.”
Thieves stole $70,000 of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer [ [link removed] ] in California last week, but that ain’t stopping the brew company from having a good time. “To the thief: we don’t fault you for wanting to brag to your friends how much PBR you have, we just wish you obtained it the honorable way,” Pabst wrote on Instagram [ [link removed] ]. The company started a countdown for the thieves to return the beer: “We will be offering a reward to anyone who can help us solve this mystery,” the post reads. “P.s. this is real and we are deadly serious.”
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