BY MATT BERG
& CROOKED MEDIA

FRIDAY
DECEMBER 6, 2024

I’m now a big star on TikTok.” 

— Donald Trump, [on his vested interest in saving TikTok]([link removed]).

TRUMP (BYTE) DANCE

Donald Trump has vowed to “save” TikTok before it’s banned as soon as next month. Get ready for a wild, unpredictable scramble for the controversial app’s future.  

- President-elect Donald Trump has an uncanny knack for picking the most ironic moment possible to do something ridiculous. Case in point: Just yesterday, Trump took to social media to boast about his 23 million followers and 3.8 billion views on TikTok, the social media app targeted by Congress as a national security threat due to its Chinese ownership. This morning, a [federal appeals court ruled]([link removed]) the app can be banned nationwide as early as Jan. 19 — the day before Trump takes office — unless its Chinese owner, ByteDance, agrees to sell. The ruling sets up an madcap, last-minute global power struggle over an app used by over 100 million Americans, including [one-third of adults]([link removed]) and the majority of teens. 

- Trump’s reinvention as the savior of TikTok is absurd for multiple reasons, including the fact that he tried to ban it himself with an executive order the last time he was president (there’s literally an entire Wikipedia page entry on Trump’s “[TikTok controversy]([link removed].)”). He changed his tune on the campaign trail, when one day he floated the bizarre argument that TikTok should be saved to compete with his top social media nemesis, Facebook, which he blasted as the “enemy of the people.” Kellyanne Conway, his former close aide who now advocates for TikTok, [credited the app for Trump’s win]([link removed]) in November and said he “appreciates” its “breadth and reach.”
 

- Trump campaigned hard on protecting TikTok. “For all of those who want to save TikTok in America, vote for Trump,” he [said]([link removed]) in a video in September, sounding way too much like a sketchy old man offering Skittles to children on a playground. “I’m now a big star on TikTok!”

Another irony: Trump’s top allies and cabinet nominees absolutely loathe TikTok. In fact, hating TikTok is [one of the few things that]([link removed]) brings MAGA loonies and Democrats in Congress together. 

- Trump’s pick for Secretary of State, [Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL),]([link removed]) is on record claiming that “Communist China will use TikTok against America.” That view is shared by Trump’s pick for Department of Homeland Security, [Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SD)]([link removed]), who banned the app from government phones in her state;[​]([link removed]) and Trump’s choice to lead the Federal Communications Commission, [Brendan Carr]([link removed]), who wrote a chapter in Project 2025 branding TikTok a “foreign influence campaign.”

- Democrats argue the concerns over foreign surveillance and influence are legit. Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA), the top Democrat on the Senate Intelligence Committee who has led the charge to ban TikTok, insists the goal isn’t to piss off every teen in America, in comments to What A Day. He said the court’s decision is meant to curb Chinese control over one of the most important platforms in this country. “While I understand that many Americans — particularly younger Americans — have been skeptical of Congress’s concerns with TikTok, today’s decision emphasizes what we’ve been saying all along: this is not an effort to take away a service used by millions of Americans, or take away the voice and creativity of TikTok users,” Warner said in a statement. 

- It’s far from clear how this drama will play out. TikTok’s owner, ByteDance, will probably try to delay the Jan. 19 deadline into the start of the Trump presidency, by any legal means possible. If it can, then once Trump reenters the Oval Office, [he has a few options]([link removed]) to gum up the works, although he’d need to work with Congress to undo the law. Of course, Trump could just change his mind and sign off on the ban (wouldn’t be the first time!).

- Trump might simply tell his new attorney general not to enforce the ban. But that would put all the big companies involved in a weird place, where they’re breaking a law because Trump said it was fine. “If you’re the general counsel of Apple and [chief executive] Tim Cook turns to you and says, ‘Can we host TikTok on our app stores,’ you’re in a very awkward position if the answer is ‘Trump said we could’ in a random tweet,” Alan Rozenshtein, a former national security adviser to the Justice Department, told the [Washington Post]([link removed]). “How much do you trust Trump?”

I think we all know the answer to that last question, don’t we?

INTERNET ODDITIES

We learned something strange about the internet this week, when so many netizens reacted to the brazen murder of a corporate executive in New York City with an outpouring of vitriol for the health insurance industry. But they didn’t stop there.
 
Now, social media users are lighting up the web with heart emojis for the shooter, whose dashing good looks have some calling him “[babygirl]([link removed]).” 
 
“bro got assassinated by a cutie patootie,” one X user [posted]([link removed]), gaining over 140,000 likes on a surveillance camera photo of the man flashing a toothy grin, which reportedly was taken while a hostel employee was flirting with him. “Every woman I know is down catastrophic for the United Healthcare CEO assassin,” another person [wrote]([link removed]). “this is my sleepless in seattle,” another user [posted]([link removed]), referring to the romcom featuring a young, hunky Tom Hanks.
 
Police still haven’t caught the shooter who targeted Brian Thompson, the 50-year-old UnitedHealthcare CEO, outside his Hilton on Wednesday morning. Now, authorities are [working with DNA evidence]([link removed]), and New York City Mayor Eric Adams said the investigation is “on the right track.”
 
Meanwhile, a question I’m wondering: When a guy commits a cold-blooded crime on video, and then unexpectedly conquers the internet… can we even be sure that a jury would convict him? It only takes one holdout for a hung jury. One very online juror, perhaps.
 

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The ACLU has a plan to hold the Trump administration accountable on day one:   

- File legal actions to combat discriminatory tactics, including attacks on housing, health care and employment for LGBTQ individuals 
- Challenge the administration’s dangerous attacks on reproductive freedom – including attempts to take medication abortion off the selves – through advocacy efforts in Congress and at the state level
- Work with state and local officials to push back against federal overreach and ensure our rights and freedoms aren’t stripped away by federal force.

If Trump's campaign promises – discrimination against LGBTQ individuals and other vulnerable populations, complete bans on abortion access, and threats of mass deportation– are any indication, we must prepare for a full-scale attack on our most fundamental rights.

[Join the ACLU today]([link removed]) to help stop the Trump administration’s attacks through legal action, advocacy, and community organizing. With your support, the ACLU will be ready to fight back the first moment Trump attacks our rights. 

The fights ahead will be challenging, but with the support of millions of members like you, the ACLU's legal, advocacy, and organizing teams can put their plans into action and win.

[Join the ACLU today.]([link removed]) Together, we can fight the inevitable attacks from the Trump administration and protect everyone's rights and freedoms.

 

 

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WHAT ELSE?

[America’s milk supply will be tested for bird flu,]([link removed]) almost a year after cows were infected with the virus, the Department of Agriculture announced today. Great news for Santa Claus, just in time.
 
[Russian media hosts believe MAGA whackadoo Tucker Carlson]([link removed]) recently traveled to the country because he’s operating as Donald Trump’s backchannel to Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, the Daily Beast reports. Tucker Carlson??? No way!!!
 
[President Joe Biden would have to issue more than 100 pardons]([link removed]) in the coming weeks to catch up with his predecessors. You wouldn’t know he’s way behind Trump by the extensive media coverage after he pardoned his son Hunter, an especially controversial decision.
 
[NYC Mayor Eric Adams raised the possibility of switching]([link removed]) from the Democratic to the Republican Party as his corruption scandal unfolds. “I’m a part of the American party,” he said, when asked if he’d return to the GOP, which he was a member of from 1995 to 2002. “Those who don’t like it, they will cancel me … I say: Cancel me. I’m for America.” So… can we just cancel him?
 
[Romania's top court called off its presidential election]([link removed]) today after warning about Russia conducting “aggressive hybrid” attacks against the country, an analysis supported by the U.S. The far-right and left-wing political groups are likely to oppose the measure as an attempt by the current government to hold onto power.
 
[Centibillionaire conspiracy theorist Elon Musk was the only funder]([link removed]) of a super PAC that sought to compare Trump’s record on reproductive rights to that of late progressive icon Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in the final weeks of the campaign. She’s doubtless rolling in her grave.
 
[Sen. Jacky Rosen (D-NV) said that Democrats need to figure out]([link removed]) how to block Trump’s potential repeal of the Affordable Care Act. “Can you imagine that you could go back to a time where you could be denied insurance for a pre-existing condition? No person I have ever met wants to go back to that nightmare,” she told our friends at the What A Day podcast.

[A federal judge dismissed a racial and sexual harassment case]([link removed]) against rapper Lizzo, saying that her wardrobe assistant can sue the touring and payroll companies, but not Lizzo as an individual.

Jon Lovett is out with a fever this week, and the only prescription is more Louis Virtel! Don’t miss [Lovett or Leave It]([link removed]) with special guests Bruce Vilanch and Raven-Symoné as they tackle the biggest and dumbest stories in politics and culture. New episodes drop every Saturday—subscribe on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss a moment!
 
 
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Hey, you! What are you doing to make a difference in your community after the election? What levers of power are you pulling? We’d like to feature your action and share ideas about how to stay politically engaged during these trying times. Reach out to [email protected]!

 
[Mark Zaid, the attorney for former Trump official Olivia Troye,]([link removed]) trolled FBI Director-elect Kash Patel with a “Monty Python” meme after Patel threatened a defamation lawsuit against Troye. 

[About 227,000 jobs were created in November,]([link removed]) beating economists’ expectations. 
 
Crooked Media’s “Antifa” baby onesies saw a bump in sales after [Fox News kindly featured]([link removed]) in an article yesterday, according to our company’s internal data. I’d like to thank all the babies over at Fox News!

Arianna sent in a picture of her dog, Eevee, who you can follow on Instagram at [@woweeveewow]([link removed]).
 
“Behold Eevee the samoyed, breaker of hearts and destroyer of cheese. Bow before her horrifyingly adorable chompers and marvel at her power and grace. She bites fascists and nazis and most certainly predator Trump,” Arianna wrote. “I hope this helps with the election despair and doomscrolling.”

It certainly does. Happy Friday, y’all.

 

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