The Sunshine Report Breaking Through to Real Communication ‘Karen and Jay share thoughts on the importance of grit and determination in ‘making a way,’ especially in moments where it is difficult to find a successful path forward.’ Special video credits to Julie Pendleton. Conversation can be great communication – when it’s done the right way. Yet, how many times have you found yourself engaged in what you think is a conversation – but really turns out to be just the two of you talking past each other. Neither really connecting. Each of you trying to convince the other that you are right – or that your recommendation is the only way forward. When this happens, here’s a simple phrase that can often change the dynamic and cut through to create real communication. With deep earnest feeling, say ‘Well then, what do you suggest?’ And really mean it. Express a sincere interest in learning what the other person is saying, what they are thinking; and even trying to understand why – in other words, the motivations and values that underpin their position. When you try this approach, don’t be surprised if the other person is momentarily taken off guard, then collects himself – with the knowledge that you will truly be listening. And when this happens, the stage is set for genuine two-way communication. A little over four years ago, two political scientists came up with an experiment they wanted to test out. A year away from another presidential election they wanted to see what happens when you put a diverse group of people in a room and let them discuss their opinions. These two political scientists named James Fishkin and Larry Diamond believed that the echo chamber of social media permits us to not listen at all, and that division is more a perception than a reality. When we’re face to face with those with whom we disagree, we’re likely to talk less and listen a little more. It was done as a test to see how people actually feel, when they’re not dependent on sound bites from 24-hour news cycles and surrounded only by people with whom they agree or share something in common. So the political scientists partnered with a nonpartisan group and a few research teams from the University of Chicago to raise the money necessary to invite a whopping 526 people from a across the United States and with a diverse set of backgrounds, to an all-expense paid trip to Dallas to give their opinions. It took a few weeks, but eventually it all came together. Everyone arrived in Dallas almost four years ago to the day. You had 9 people named John, 10 people who identified as living in a trailer park, 13 who identified as wealthy, 27 who identified as extremely conservative, 30 who identified as extremely liberal. This gives you some idea of what they were going for. And, so over the course of three days, this group of Americans broke out into small discussion groups and debated topics from foreign policy to health care, immigration, the economy and the environment. As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a bit of a shock for all involved. Many groups were pretty silent to start, and even some arguing. Yet as James Fishkin put it to the group upon arrival, “We’re not here to talk like policy wonks, we’re to share our life experience. When we share our stories, we too are making an argument for something.” One woman shared a story about how a piece of controversial policy kept her dad alive after a cancer diagnosis, while a man in the same group said it had cost him a lot of money. Their group laughed when another participant stated, “Well now I can’t argue because of what your dad dealt with.” As the weekend went on, debates were had, and there were disagreements, but what the event organizers noticed is that everyone was listening. Participants were surveyed throughout the weekend and an overwhelming majority said they were shocked to find as much common ground as they did. On the third and final day of the event, the organizers took note of a 24-year-old African-American man who was a cashier from Michigan, laughing and having conversation with three 70-something white men in his group. In another instance, they observed a 69-year-old retired nurse from Atlanta buy a drink for a woman she’d just met from San Antonio, who was turning 35 that day. There were pairings you may never have imagined anywhere else. And ultimately, it all came through listening a little bit better. As one woman put it, “I don’t think the purpose of this conference was to change people’s minds. I think the purpose of this conference was to get people to accept each other’s points of view in a civil manner.” So, next the time you’re in a conversation, take a moment to listen. Reach out and ask the other person, what are you thinking? What do you suggest? Really mean what you’re saying – and then listen with purpose and intent. In so doing, I think you’ll find a warmth and satisfaction – as well as a sense that you are truly communicating! Read The Report New Hampshire Voters – Suggestions that Shape the Nation   Read More Coffee and Conversation – in the Granite State and Beyond Read More Positive Profile of the Week: Chris Frost This week we are delighted to highlight a welcome addition to our team - Christopher Frost, a community journalist who recently joined the Eagle Times in Claremont, NH. A native of Freeport, Long Island, Chris came to Claremont from Oxnard, CA, where he most recently served as the publisher of the Tri-County Sentry. During his six years there, the paper's circulation grew from under 500 to nearly 7,000. Throughout his career in community journalism, Chris has achieved similar success, having worked in nine other local media markets across the country. The secret to his success? Engaging with the community.  Chris joined the Eagle Times in mid-July, and since then, has become a familiar and visible presence in the community. He has been covering events that had long been forgotten or dismissed as unimportant by prior media practices and standards. Additionally, he reports on essential governmental and other meetings, ensuring that citizens are well-informed about the activities of their public officials. The results of his efforts have been remarkable. Chris, in collaboration with his new and talented colleagues, has significantly increased the amount of local content published in the Eagle Times. They have also successfully reconnected the paper with segments of the community that were abandoned long ago. When he attends a community event, Chris watches, listens, and asks questions. He often surprises community members who are not accustomed to seeing anyone from the paper. He frequently tells them to please get used to seeing his face around town because, as long as he's part of the community, they will continue to see him. From stories covering driveway permits at the zoning board to local dance classes and stories about lawsuits between towns and developers, Chris Frost understands that each of these topics is important in its own way to the community, and he ensures that the community is well-informed about them. He grasps the essence of community journalism and how it can create new pathways for bringing people together along with new ideas. We are delighted and enriched to have such an experienced and talented journalist such as Chris to be taking an intensely active role in our newspaper as well as our community. Thank you, Chris, for your great sense of curiosity and your dedication to the profession of community journalism! Quote of the Week "The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought and attended to my answer." - Henry David Thoreau     Jay Lucas | www.JayLucas.us  Share This Email Share This Email Share This Email Jay Lucas | 7 Portwalk Pl, Portsmouth, NH 03801 Unsubscribe [email protected] Update Profile | Constant Contact Data Notice Sent by [email protected]