The Pope is back to his usual poor health.

Wednesday, June 7, 2023
BY NICK TURNER & CROOKED MEDIA

- Kevin McCarthy, ([link removed]) daring us all to keep our minds out of the gutter

WHAT IS HAPPENING?
* New Yorkers are choking, and it’s not just because they overheard someone compliment L.A. pizza. Smoke from Canadian wildfires is also to blame ([link removed]) . Fires north of the border have been raging for weeks. Roughly 150 fires have burned in Quebec alone. But a recent storm system forced the smoke south into the United States, and then east, toward some of the country’s most densely populated areas. A lot of the fires were started by lightning, exacerbated by above-normal temperatures and unusually dry conditions.

* Yes, I understand what is happening, but how does it affect ME??? Well, exposure to the small particles found in the smoke can irritate your eyes, throat, nose, and lungs, causing you to cough and sneeze, or feel short of breath ([link removed]) . It can also trigger asthma attacks. Much like COVID-19, these conditions will hit the very young, the old, and the immunocompromised hardest. If you’re worried about your summer travel plans, the FAA has assured us that flight delays will not be caused by Canadian wildfires, just normal ineptitude.

* But the long and short of it is that this is unprecedented in recent decades and the air quality in certain areas of the U.S. is off the charts. New York faces its worst air quality ever. On Wednesday it trailed only New Delhi India for worst in the world ([link removed]) . Detroit is also in the top five now. USA! USA! But the smoke is still on the move and the thickest patches are moving south and will soon envelop Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington, DC. Sorry, California, the East Coast now has better wildfire pollution. Will the battle between the coasts ever end?

Ok, so fire is making it suck to live on the west coast, the east coast, and the North Coast. WHAT DO I DO NOW? Do not tell me to go live at the southern border, because Q says “a storm is coming” there too.
* You can take steps to reduce your exposure by using something you may have lying around already. It’s time to whip out those goddamn N95 masks again ([link removed]) . Sorry, but common sense hasn’t changed and N95 masks are gonna be the answer to a lot of climate issues in the near future. One more way to keep your lungs clean is by using an air purifier. They reduce indoor particles by 85 percent. ([link removed]) The last 15 percent can’t hurt you. Right?

* Or maybe, since things just keep getting worse everywhere, it’s time to move. If you’re looking to move to the U.S. city with the best air quality, you're in luck, because you are going to Hawaii! Honolulu ranks number one ([link removed]) . Unfortunately, it’s the fourth most expensive city to live in ([link removed]) , and there is a good chance the currently-erupting Kilauea volcano will kill you when you get there ([link removed]) . The last Kilauea eruption in 2019 destroyed hundreds of homes and businesses. So, maybe don’t go there either?

We always thought that when the shit went down we could escape to Canada but now Canada is the problem. We may be learning what the billionaires have known for years—we gotta go to space, y’all.

Exciting news! Crooked’s go-to legal podcast, Strict Scrutiny ([link removed]) , will be recording live at Howard University and you can now join via LIVESTREAM on June 9 at 1 PM Eastern. Join hosts Leah Litman, Kate Shaw, and Melissa Murray with President and Director-Counsel of the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, Janai Nelson, and Crooked’s own Shaniqua McClendon as they provide in-depth, accessible, and irreverent analysis of the Supreme Court and its cases, culture, and personalities. Get your livestream tickets today at the link below—And get a 25 percent discount if you’re a Friend of The Pod subscriber ([link removed]) !
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Federal prosecutors made the mistake of feeding the grand jury investigating disgraced former president Donald Trump past midnight, and now we have two Trump grand juries to contend with. Multiple witnesses have been subpoenaed to testify before a recently empaneled grand jury in Florida, which is also investigating Trump’s theft of national-security materials and obstruction of justice ([link removed]) . Trump aide Taylor Budowich testified in Miami on Wednesday. The Justice Department’s counterintelligence chief Jay Bratt reportedly conducted some of the questioning, suggesting Espionage Act charges may be coming.

The law states that a grand jury must convene where the crime took place. In the document-theft case, that’s…everywhere? In addition to the troubles at Mar-a-Lago, and the troubles he had at the White House, Trump might have disclosed sensitive materials at his Bedminster, NJ, golf club as well. Will there be a third grand-jury investigation soon? Say what you will about Trump, but his grand juries are some of the most beautiful and the most plentiful in all of history. He truly does it better than anyone.
* CNN’s CEO is OUT for being OOT (out of touch, in this instance) ([link removed]) .

* The man who desperately wants you to think his wife is hot, Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL), is facing possible criminal charges in Texas over his illegal migrant flights. ([link removed]) He possibly faces several counts of unlawful restraint, both misdemeanors and felonies.

* Perhaps the worst thing about airline travel, sometimes they just send you to Russia ([link removed]) . And they don’t let you leave your hotel or use your credit card while you’re there.

* Jay Johnston of Bob’s Burgers and Mr. Show was charged for his role in the insurrection ([link removed]) . Perhaps a freedom ban to go with his Bob’s Burger ban?

* Pope Francis undergoes surgery for being 86 ([link removed]) . The surgery was successful and the Pope is back to his usual poor health.

* Hypersonic missiles are cool. Iran having them is not ([link removed]) .

* Tucker Carlson is back! In a new, much worse place ([link removed]) . It’s not TV—It’s Twitter, and it's filmed in a fucking barn. Fox News isn't as amused as we are ([link removed]) .

* Another expose on how much money comics in Los Angeles make finally gets it right ([link removed]) . They don’t make shit.

* A pilot program launched in the U.K. to give private practices the ability to inject weekly weight-loss shots such as Novo Nordisk's Wegovy ([link removed]) .

* Bills Quarterback Josh Allen becomes playmate of the year and will grace the cover of Madden ‘24 ([link removed]) —the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue of video games. Look, you either get it or you don’t.

* Mike Pence enters the Presidential race to give Trump someone to humiliate, dominate, and attempt to murder ([link removed]) .

* In another blow to journalism, the Los Angeles Times is laying off 13 percent of its newsroom positions ([link removed]) .

* Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Scientists discover the first virgin birth in a female crocodile. ([link removed])

The Department of Defense is reportedly devising a program to test the safety of widely used medicines due to concerns about the quality of generic drugs ([link removed]) . The fear is that the FDA can no longer adequately police generics. Blame for the current drug shortages isn’t supply-chain issues, but quality issues. Pill production has shifted largely to India and China where the U.S. has little oversight, which is one cause for the drop in quality. In some cases, certain heart and diabetes drugs have been found to contain small amounts of chemicals that can cause cancer. Defense officials have been in talks with independent lab Valisure, which has been testing drugs for Kaiser Permanente for the last two years, to monitor quality. Kaiser will look for a different provider if the product fails its tests.

The FDA has pushed back against companies like Valisure on the grounds that third-party testing labs aren’t beholden to the same protocols as drug manufacturers. They also fear making the rules so stringent that they are forced to shut down more drug labs and exacerbate shortages. The labs in Asia aren’t making things easy, either. Before a recent inspection, workers at one lab were found to have shredded documents and poured acid on the bags that wouldn’t fit in the trash truck.
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Pandemic-led telehealth growth greatly increased the number of people who received mental-health assistance ([link removed]) . Not as helpful for those needing surgery.

A boy who walked six miles to his middle-school graduation has received a college scholarship from the university where the ceremony was taking place ([link removed]) .

Switzerland will amend its sexual-violence laws to recognize that sex without consent is rape ([link removed]) . Previously, a victim would have had to attempt to fight off an attacker before it could be called rape.
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