Luckily for him, he cheats.

Thursday, May 11, 2023
BY NICK TURNER & CROOKED MEDIA

- Dianne Feinstein ([link removed]) , back to senator-ing (part time)

The crisis at the southern border is ramping up due to the expiration of Title 42.
* As the COVID-19 era (great era, btw) draws to a close, so do COVID-era policies. Title 42, which allows the U.S. government to refuse asylum seekers on the grounds that COVID-19 exists, ends Thursday night. ([link removed]) In anticipation, the Department of Homeland Security is sending resources to the border. Customs and Border Protection has maintained it still has a way to track all the migrants entering the country, but there will be less oversight. This process has always been a shit show and there’s nothing changing that anytime soon.

* What is driving so many migrants to the border? ([link removed]) The pandemic and ensuing recession hit Latin America harder than almost any other region in the world. Unemployment is higher than it has been in decades and resources were stretched even thinner by global supply-chain disruptions and rapid inflation. Nearly a quarter of the Venezuelan population has fled the country since 2015, noting that COVID-19 only exacerbated an already grim situation.

* Texas is trying to Texas as hard as it can before Title 42 officially ends. Gov./Yosemite Sam cosplayer Greg Abbot (R-TX) has been ramping up Operation Lonestar, which allows troopers to arrest migrants and charge them with state crimes ([link removed]) . These policies treat everyone unilaterally—and poorly—regardless of their specific needs or circumstances for seeking asylum. When asked why they were trying to cross the border, one detained migrant responded, “We’re here because they killed our whole family.” Seems like a pretty good candidate for asylum, no?

Starting May 13, the number of migrants crossing each day is likely to double from its current average. But there is a plan—maybe.
* First off, we’re going back to Title 8 ([link removed].) . While not great, it gives people marginally more time to lodge asylum claims. Legislators have been hard at work on new ideas. House Republicans are set to pass border security-legislation Thursday as Senate Democrats prepare to inevitably shoot it down ([link removed]) . Sen. Krysten Sinema (I-AZ) is drafting a bill that would extend Title 42-like restrictions for another two years. Reps. Tony Gonzales (R-TX) and Henry Cuellar (D-TX), whose districts are on the border, are also working on their own bipartisan bill. But a consensus solution is unlikely to become law. (How would Republicans keep running on OMG CARAVANS!!! If it did?)

* Officials have published a new rule that will restrict asylum starting Thursday. ([link removed]) Currently, anyone caught crossing the border illegally can apply for humanitarian protection, but the new rule would rule out anyone who crossed through another country that could have provided them asylum. Immigration advocates have argued that this is just a way to further criminalize asylum seekers. And it’s not just a border problem, cities across the country are preparing to receive busloads of migrants in record numbers.

Humanitarian crises aren't going away and we must figure out a better plan. Where is Brownie ([link removed].) when you need him?

Crooked Coffee’s always-sold-out Cold Brewer is back in stock – just in time for summer. The Cold Brewer is an easy way to make delicious cold brew at home, so you don’t have to leave the house or pay $7 to get your caffeine fix. It’s like having a fancy cafe in your fridge, but you never have to fight anyone for an outlet.

These always sell out, so grab yours today at Crooked.com/store.
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If you’ve felt a certain electricity in the air this week it’s not just radiation poisoning, it's also EUROVISION FEVER! ([link removed]) The final round of the Eurovision Song Contest is taking place this Saturday in Liverpool, England. Eurovision is a song competition that started between seven European countries trying to repair ties after war and has since ballooned to 40 countries. Europe loves this competition almost as much as Americans love to ignore it, but the competition hopes to change that starting now. For the second year in a row, the it will be hosted by American figure skater Johnny Weir. And for the first time ever, anyone in the world can vote, not just those from the countries in the competition.

Just as important as the quality of the songs is the often eye-popping and sometimes silly visual aspect. Kitsch and camp are king at Eurovision and performances will likely be filled with vibrant colors, acrobatics, magic, and more. In that respect, Eurovision may finally be in line with America’s tastes, judging by the successes of such ultra-campy U.S. series like America’s Got Talent and RuPaul’s Drag Race (which lost E.P. Tim Palazzola in yesterday’s Paramount bloodbath ([link removed]) ). Another reason for the heightened interest is the growing global love of last year’s winning country, Ukraine. Each year the host country has been the previous year’s winner—until now. Unable to safely hold the competition, Ukraine has passed hosting duties to last year's runner-up, England. And yes, Americans can watch the finals on Peacock at 3 p.m. ET.
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* CNN fact-checked last night’s Donald Trump’s Town Hall and found that, no, there were no facts in the program that they created and aired ([link removed]) . Great job all around.

* Natalie Holloway’s likely murderer has been extradited to the U.S. for yet another crime that isn’t the likely murder of Natalie Holloway ([link removed]) . It has to do with the money he extorted from Holloway’s mom after her death. Cool dude, apparently.

* Embattled Peloton was forced to recall 2.2 million bikes ([link removed]) . That’s over 3 billion dollars worth of bikes. Company higher-ups are no doubt praying for another pandemic.

* Pakistan’s Supreme Court has ruled that former Prime Minister Imran Khan must be released from prison ([link removed]) . Since his arrest this week, violent clashes have erupted across the country and hundreds have been injured or killed in protests. Khan blames the U.S. for his ouster. The U.S. disagrees.

* Whoa. A police officer has actually admitted to felony assault of a black man ([link removed]) . It was part of a plea deal to stay out of prison, but still.

* U.S. jobless claims filings are higher now than at any point since 2021, but the job market remains healthy ([link removed]) . This is likely due to the jobs available being very, very shitty.

* Elon Musk is stepping down as CEO of Twitter and an as-yet-unnamed female replacement will take over in six weeks ([link removed]) . I guess Twitter being run by its greatest troll was a bad idea? Let that sink in ([link removed]) .

* After grappling with what to do with their cache of Yeezy shoes after cutting ties with Kanye West, Adidas has decided to sell them and donate profits ([link removed]) —after they cover their own costs of course.

* Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan faces his toughest challenge as the country holds a momentous election this week in the wake of an earthquake that killed 50,000 in February ([link removed]) . Luckily for him, he cheats.

* The Manhattan District Attorney’s Office has decided to charge Marine veteran Daniel Penny with manslaughter in the second degree after he choked Jordan Neely to death on a subway train ([link removed]) .

We might not be winning the war on illicit drugs, but we’re doing far better keeping legal drugs out of the hands of the people that need them. Drug shortages have hit a five-year high, and the White House has assembled a secret team to combat both the shortages and the increasing number of inferior-quality drugs in the market ([link removed]) . Americans are struggling to fill prescriptions across the board, even the most common antibiotics. You can blame larger market forces that are driving generic manufacturers out of business, driving up prices, and exacerbating shortages. According to the American Society of Hospital Pharmacists, 237 drugs are currently in short supply ([link removed]) .

The team is developing tools to keep this from happening in the future. They’d like to be able to better predict potential drug shortages before they start, create a quality-score system for facilities that make generics, and provide more funding for the FDA to increase unannounced inspections. They also aim to crack down on inferior products imported from foreign manufacturers and require them to keep electronic records instead of paper ones, since they have a curious history of being lost or destroyed.
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Human hair could be used to clean up oil spills ([link removed]) . No, they do not want your drain hair. They are sourcing it from hair salons, you sickos.

Antiquated rules against gay and bisexual men donating blood will be relaxed, allowing more men to donate ([link removed]) .

A peanut-allergy patch shows promise in trials ([link removed]) . Peanut allergies are currently the second most common allergy for children.
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