Here’s some not-so-startling truth: At some point or another, you will resent your partner. Small things will accumulate and eventually make you think I’m being mistreated. It could be any number of things. Maybe it’s a sense that they’re coasting by while you do all the work. Or that they don’t ever listen to your side of things. Or that their snoring is so disruptive you’d rather sleep next to a malfunctioning HVAC.

Resentment is corrosive and the longer you hold onto it, the more it eats away at you. Staying silent is not the answer. That only leads to disconnection, harmful assumptions, and all sorts of unhealthy behaviors. But neither is giving your partner a shotgun spray of all the perceived slights and injustices you’ve been storing up. So what can you do? It starts by admitting to yourself that you’re still bothered, investigating what’s really upsetting you (hint: it’s probably not what you think), and moving forward from there