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In life, interestingly, you can accomplish a lot just by listening. You can learn and be informed – but even more important, you can build human relationships. Everyone has a natural desire to be heard; to be understood. So, when you listen – fully concentrating, empathizing – and sometimes even feeling the vibes of the person you are listening to, you are showing an immense respect. Validating them – simply by listening. In these hectic times, when people are often in a rush – or totally distracted with their phones, social media and more – the person who actually listens stands out from the crowd and simply by listening, makes an immensely positive contribution to our collective well-being.
In a day and age where hyper-polarization seems to be the norm, where it rarely feels like anyone is really listening to each other, and instead where everyone seems to be shouting at each other, there’s a certain magic to moments when we feel heard or simply listened to. Imagine the last time you had a conversation with someone. Were both of you really listening to the words you shared with each other, or were you simply coming up with a response while each of you spoke? To take it one step further, imagine the last time you were having a conversation with someone about a topic you both disagreed on.
Most of us when asked would say that we’re good, active listeners. Yet it’s surprising to realize how rarely we attentively listen to one another when interacting. We allow ourselves to be distracted, preoccupied by other matters of importance, or thinking about what we’re going to say next. Or we listen passively without providing feedback or asking questions, even when we don’t really understand what is being communicated to us. One of the most difficult communication skills to learn is the ability to both respect the right of another to their opinion as well as consider it by being fully present.
When we listen actively, we’re demonstrating that we understand or empathize with the experience of another. Active listening involves the use of verbal and nonverbal cues to show that you are engaged and interested in what is being communicated. This can include things like nodding your head, maintaining eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back on what you have heard. And not only that, when we take time to reflect on what others have said only once they’ve had a chance to speak, we’re indicating that we’ve truly been listening to what’s been said and not only hearing. It’s a way that allows conversation to go deeper, create new awareness around a topic, and most importantly, build trust and respect.
I’m reminded of a story about a small business owner who ran a printing company who resolved a conflict with a dissatisfied customer. One day the business owner received a complaint from a customer who was unhappy with the turnaround time on a service they had received. Instead of becoming defensive or dismissive, the business owner listened carefully to the customer's concerns and asked clarifying questions to ensure they understood the issue fully. He apologized for the inconvenience and offered to make things right by providing a refund and a discount on future services. The customer was impressed by the owner's willingness to listen and work to resolve the issue and ended up becoming a loyal customer as a result. The customer was so impressed with the owner’s willingness to listen and resolve the issue, he ended up becoming a loyal customer as a result.
In both these examples, being a good listener allowed the listener to establish trust and rapport with the speaker, and to better understand their needs and concerns. This, in turn, allowed them to work together to find solutions that were mutually beneficial. When we take time to listen to each other, life becomes more than a zero-sum game and of benefit to all. So, as you go into this next week – find some occasions to take the opportunity to really listen – and see what a wonderful difference it can make.
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