Unpack the baggage the word “discipline” totes around and there are ideas in there about punishment and consequence, anger and restraint, personal responsibility and excellence. What we talk about when we talk about discipline is, in essence, the expectations and the policing of the expectations we thrust onto our children, our partners, and ourselves. But discipline matters enormously to all of us, fundamentally affecting how we see our roles in family and society. Discipline is about more than just getting kids to listen and obey — it’s a way for parents to pass their core values on to their kids. Here’s how you can focus on that a bit more.

3 Common Child Behavioral Issues, And How To Address Them

Your child can’t stand to hear the word, “no.” To get around this issue, use other one-word responses. Instead of saying what you don’t want in one word, use a single word to say what you do want. “Jacket!” “Bath!” “Teeth!”

They do hurtful things without feeling guilty. Whenever your child has a hard time empathizing, make the impacts of their actions on others’ emotions evident. Talk to them about how others feel, and give them the opportunity to see things from others’ point of view.

They blame others for their misdeeds. Most parents are familiar with the following words: “It’s not my fault.” It’s impossible to discipline a child based on actions that they don’t take responsibility for — so instead of blaming them, teach your child to take accountability for their choices, good and bad.