[“We will be vetting conspiracy theorists to insure that they
have an established track record... We want to make a clear
distinction between the Dinesh D’Souzas of the world and some rookie
crackpot hoping to become a major-league crackpot.”]
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ELON MUSK SAYS TWITTER WILL GIVE BLUE CHECKS ONLY TO VERIFIED
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS  
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Andy Borowitz
November 1, 2022
The New Yorker
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_ “We will be vetting conspiracy theorists to insure that they have
an established track record... We want to make a clear distinction
between the Dinesh D’Souzas of the world and some rookie crackpot
hoping to become a major-league crackpot.” _

Elon Musk Dreaming of a Brighter Future, by jurvetson ( CC BY 2.0)

 

SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report
[[link removed]])—In a policy
shift, Twitter announced that it will bestow blue checks only on users
it called “verified conspiracy theorists.”

Elon Musk, the platform’s new owner, said that the policy was
designed to “curate a world-class collection of the most prominent
paranoiacs working today.”

“We will be vetting conspiracy theorists to insure that they have an
established track record of disseminating falsehoods,” he said.
“For the benefit of our users, we want to make a clear distinction
between the Dinesh D’Souzas of the world and some rookie crackpot
hoping to become a major-league crackpot.”

Musk’s announcement, however, drew howls of protests from the
baseless-theory-spreading community, with some members complaining
that Twitter was discriminating against no-name fabulists looking for
their big break.

“I recently tweeted that John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln as part of
a drug deal gone bad,” @OptimusTruthBeacon911 said. “If that
doesn’t get me a blue check, what will?”

_For non-satirical coverage of the 2022 midterms, check out The New
Yorker’s latest reporting and commentary
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campaign. Be sure to return on Election Day, November 8th, for live
results and coverage._

_Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a
comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. In 2001, he
created The Borowitz Report
[[link removed]], a satirical news
column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won
the first-ever National Press Club award for humor. The Borowitz
Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012. His two most recent
books were both best-sellers: “The 50 Funniest American Writers
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which became the first title in the history of the Library of America
to make the Times best-seller list; and a memoir, “An Unexpected
Twist
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a No. 1 best-seller, which Amazon named the Best Kindle Single of
2012. His latest book, “Profiles in Ignorance: How America’s
Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber
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is forthcoming in 2022. As a comedian, Borowitz has performed sold-out
shows around the world and has made numerous television and radio
appearances, including on NPR, VH1, and Comedy Central. His solo
comedy show, “Make America Not Embarrassing Again,” toured the
U.S. from 2018 to 2020. He has been called a “Swiftian satirist”
(the Wall Street Journal), “one of the country’s finest
satirists” (the Times), and “one of the funniest people in
America” (CBS News’s “Sunday Morning”)._

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