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Hi John,
First, I want to make something clear: I do not believe sex can exist without consent, period.
I do not believe sex workers have an obligation to help or support anyone but themselves.
As a sex worker and someone who has experienced sexual violence, I am acutely aware of the ever-present risks of sexual violence facing anyone who dares to have sex in our society who is not a cis-het man.
But I would like to discuss a very important, albeit nuanced issue: the rates of sexual activity among men.
Now, before you groan and call me names – hear me out. I want to create an environment where everyone feels confident, comfortable, and competent having safe sex with affirmative consent. No, this doesn’t mean we should force women to “service” violent men.
I’m envisioning a world where young men are good in bed.
You see, young men just aren’t having as much sex as they used to. A Washington Post article shared research suggesting that men aged 18-30 years old are experiencing a marked decline in sexual activity.
Why does this matter? Well, research shows that when men (and particularly young men) aren’t having sex, they experience more anxiety and depression, have fewer meaningful romantic relationships and friendships, a declining rate of college attendance, lower rates of home ownership, and will be under-employed.
I know what you’re thinking: Alexandra, you’re a feminist, why do you care about young men having less sex? I care because I know it’s a sign of a much deeper issue hurting everyone in our country—class warfare. We are experiencing the most extreme wealth gaps in our country’s history, and the impact is so severe that even young men – who have previously thrived in a country built for their success – are feeling the pressure. Stress is a pretty major cock block, as most women know.
The way forward for a country where all of us can have healthy, consensual, satisfying sex includes economic opportunity for all and affordable housing. It also includes expanding the spectrum of services offered, and protecting access to reproductive healthcare for anyone who wants it, as well as funding medically-accurate, comprehensive, age-appropriate sex education. Sex and masturbation are considered taboo and criminal topics, making them issues that politicians don’t want to touch. But we need to talk about sex if we are break down the issues and make healthy, consensual, satisfying sex a possibility for all.
The evangelical movement brought a lot of shame and stigma around the topic of sex—and it's been to our detriment. The shame and stigma that currently surrounds sex has cut off conversation and resources that could allow men to become better partners. And while the #MeToo movement brought a lot of awareness and education around the topic of consent, we need to go further. A lot of men are unsure how to have healthy fulfilling sex because they’ve never been properly educated. The practice of affirmative consent shouldn't seem daunting. Sex is a good thing when done in a healthy, consensual, satisfying manner. We’ve done a good job telling men what they shouldn’t do, but who’s telling men what they should do?
As someone who has sex with men, I would love for the responsibility of educating young men on how to be respectful, communicative, satisfying sexual partners to be on our government, rather than on me.
—Alexandra Hunt
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