Dear John,

It can be hard these days to focus on what is really important. Amidst the daily onslaught of horrors both real and Tweeted, sometimes I find myself losing sight. Or getting so tangled up in my own outrage that I can’t tell whether a particular fight is really a matter of life-and-death, really a fight for justice, or instead jousting because I feel like I’m supposed to be fighting.

This week, though, I was lucky to witness a reminder of what truly matters most.

I have long been certain that my wife Meg Barnette is the most awesome and admirable human being on the planet. If you know her, you know why. But even if not, I’m pretty sure you’ll agree this week, as Meg donated one of her kidneys to her dear friend Joyce George.

Both Meg and Joyce are recovering well, and the transplant is looking good. The surgeon said "the new kidney is beautiful," and it started functioning right away; sometimes it takes a little while. (Of course Meg's kidney is an overachiever.)

Kidney transplants are pretty remarkable. People with serious renal disease who don’t get a transplant have to go on dialysis, which profoundly reduces quality-of-life and dramatically shortens life-span. A transplant from a living donor allows the recipient to lead a fully active life, and increases life expectancy by an average of 12 to 20 years!

Many transplants are between family members, but with modern medicine there’s no need for a blood relative. Joyce and Meg share a long and beautiful friendship (that her husband Joe Weisbord and I, and our kids too, are lucky to be part of). Now, they share a miracle too. As Joyce says, “we’re really family now.”

While there is something really beautiful about donating to a good friend, one thing many more of us could consider is donating to a stranger (being an “altruistic donor,” they call it). They are over 100,000 people on the kidney waitlist, who will most likely die within five years if they don’t get a transplant. Donating to a stranger can start a chain that helps 4, 6, even 30 people get the kidneys they need.

Check out this powerful essay by Dylan Matthews of Vox [[link removed]] , on his decision to donate a kidney, and how he was “deeply gratified to have made at least one choice in my life that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt was the right one.”

Meg is home now, and will be recovering for the next couple weeks. Joyce (who is wonderful in her own right, a generous & creative healer, mom, partner, and friend) will be in the hospital for a while longer as they closely observe her kidney functioning.

I’m so proud of Meg, of course. I always am. In addition to being a tremendous friend (she was once criticized for being “aggressively thoughtful”), an amazing mom, and an unreasonably supportive partner, she’s also the General Counsel at Planned Parenthood of Greater New York.

Meg would be the first to tell you that there’s no one way to focus on what matters most. The deep relationships in our lives -- like the bond she shares with Joyce, or with Rosa, Marek, and me -- are sources of extraordinary joy and meaning, and worth more focus than we often give them. She loves the work she gets to do at Planned Parenthood, and on the board of another not-for-profit, Women for Afghan Women, fighting for the still-so-elusive idea that women are fundamentally equal human beings.

While she’s recovering this week, we’ll spend some time thinking about which other remarkable groups to give to: some that save lives, some that offer opportunity and dignity where it’s hard to find, and some that help people organize to fight for more systemic change. (We’ve got a long list already … but let us know if you’ve got any you think are especially fantastic, and we’ll take a look, and share your suggestions with others too).

This week, I’m especially grateful for her health, her love, and her example.

Whatever holidays you celebrate or don’t, I hope the season brings you and your loved ones the miracles of courage & generosity, of life & health, of friendship & love.

Brad

[[link removed]]



Council Member Brad Lander
456 5th Avenue
Third Floor
Brooklyn, NY 11215
United States

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