In our training, we teach people how to move from a place of deep shame to a place of accountability and growth. Here are some basic tips to keep in mind:
- Notice how you’re feeling. Intentions aren’t magic. Remember that they are talking about something you did, not who you are as a person.
- Resist anger, get curious. Listen and, if you’d like, ask if it’s okay if you ask questions. Ask open questions (not leading ones).
- Apologize for what you did. Sincerely apologize. Don’t simply apologize for how the other person feels (that’s not an apology).
- Commit to make amends. What will you do to prevent this from happening again? Consider asking the person/people you disrespected for feedback. Remember, this is a lifelong learning journey.
If you’ve tried something not on this list that worked -- let us know! We’re always evolving our work based on feedback from you.
With love,
Hollaback!
P.S.: During #metoo we asked a new donor what inspired them to make a donation. They told us that in college they slept with a girl who said, “no,” and they kept going. They reached out to her years later to apologize and ask what they could do to make it up to her. She asked him to donate to Hollaback!, so he did. Inspired by this courageous survivor, consider asking people to donate to your favorite organizations as part of the process of making amends, or offer to donate if you’ve done the harm.