[“They are, quite simply, the Dream Team.”]
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JUSTICE DEPARTMENT URGES TRUMP TO HIRE ALEX JONES’ LAWYERS
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Andy Borowitz
August 5, 2022
The New Yorker
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_ “They are, quite simply, the Dream Team.” _
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report
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considers a criminal prosecution of the former President, the
Department of Justice has “strongly urged” Donald J. Trump to
retain Alex Jones’s legal team.
“We at the Justice Department can think of no one better to
represent you than Alex Jones’s lawyers,” Attorney General Merrick
Garland wrote recently, in a letter to Trump. “They are, quite
simply, the Dream Team.”
Garland added, “After watching these lawyers in action, my
associates at the D.O.J. and I looked at each other and said, ‘These
guys have to represent Trump.’ ”
The Attorney General acknowledged that Trump might be considering
hiring his longtime attorney, Rudy Giuliani, but noted, “As amazing
as Rudy would be, we think that Alex Jones’s lawyers would be even
more amazing.”
In a final inducement to Trump, Garland added, “We’ll pay them.”
_Andy Borowitz
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best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker
since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report
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on the news._
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