| Two Clear Signs You’re Being Defensive | | | | | | Labeling | Labeling happens when a person tries to state their position and you simply reduce their behavior to labels, saying something along the lines of “You’re just being mean” or “Stop being unreasonable.” It’s also common for defensive people to assign labels to themselves as a way of deflecting. These labels, which distract from the issue at hand, can sound like “Well, I guess I’m just a lousy partner and everything is my fault.”
How to Avoid It: “How can you label when you don’t have clear evidence?” says Phillips. “Try breathing and remove it from your thoughts. Close your eyes and think of the labels as words on a chalkboard and erase them.” |
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| | | | Doubling Down When You’re Wrong | So, you had an argument and realized your stance was incorrect. Regardless, you continue to argue your point, thus completely defeating the purpose of the discussion and fueling further disagreement. “I see this a lot in my divorce coaching practice,” says DuBois. “You ‘double down’ even if your perspective is patently false.”
How to Avoid It: No one likes to be wrong, and no one likes to be proven wrong. But, if your partner presents clear evidence as to why your position is incorrect, it will go a long way if you just own it and move on. |
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