Jun 14, 2022

In Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships, he found that there are two types of problems that couples face: perpetual and solvable. Solvable problems tend to be about tasks — how do we want to clean the house? Which school do we send our kids to? How do we decide together to save money? Perpetual problems, on the other hand, tend to be about philosophy — how should people clean their homes? Which schools should people send their kids to? How should people spend money? When couples get stuck on proving who has the correct philosophy regarding an issue, rather than figuring out solutions that work for both of them, as therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw writes, they become gridlocked. Here’s what it takes to move forward.

LOVE   You Want to Decompress. Your Partner Wants to Be Productive. Another Fight Ensues.   It’s easy to butt heads again and again about how your partner spends their downtime. Here’s how to get a handle on the arguments.   READ THIS STORY

When couples get stuck on proving who has the correct philosophy regarding an issue, rather than figuring out solutions that work for both of them, they become gridlocked.

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ADVICE   Need Your Partner to Make a Big Change? Here’s the Best Way to Ask Them.   We're not saying it will be easy. But there is a best way to go about asking.   READ THIS STORY

FROM OUR FRIENDS   Get smarter about your money   If your goal is to become an overnight millionaire by betting on the next meme stock...sorry, we can't help you. But if you're looking to build long-term wealth in a sustainable way, check out Money Scoop. It's a personal finance newsletter that makes you smarter about your money. You'll learn how to better invest, budget, spend, manage your taxes, and much more.   Subscribe for free

RELATIONSHIPS   Are You Doing Enough to Help With “Emotional Labor”?   Is the invisible work split fairly?   READ THIS STORY

Two Big Questions to Ask About The Mental Load In Your Relationship   Do I Have a Sense of the Contribution My Partner Makes? Bearing the mental load means being the person in the relationship who’s constantly remembering to remember. And it often falls on women in relationships to be the one doing the remembering: keeping track of birthdays, the last name of friends, where the spatula might have gone. So, it’s crucial to ask yourself — especially if you’re the one working eight hours a day — if you truly recognize how much your partner is doing. “By asking yourself this question, it’s an opportunity for humility on so many different levels,” says relationship coach Marie Murphy.   Am I Doing My Share? Once you realize the amount of work it takes to keep a household running, take stock of the chores and ask yourself where you fall when it comes to contributing to them. Write down everything that needs to get done and find places where you can contribute. Or write down what you currently do and what your partner currently does. This might seem like asking for a fight. But this isn’t about I-told-you-so’s. This is about recognizing imbalances that might exist and finding ways to handle them. It’s about being a better partner.

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RELATIONSHIPS   How to Make Better Joint Decisions With Your Partner   Decisions can be tough to make as a team. This is how to sidestep the most common — and frustrating — parts of the process and come together as a unit.   READ THIS STORY

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