Fatherly
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Jun 07, 2022

 

As parents, we’re constantly doling out information to our kids. Look both ways
before crossing the street. Don’t put that in your mouth. No hitting. This is
how we put away our things. This is, of course, crucial. But we’re also
indirectly passing information. Kids are always listening, and they learn a lot
by simply overhearing their parents. This isn’t news. But it’s something that
every parent should use to their advantage. Just as there are things all fathers
should be sure to say to their kids, there are things that fathers should be
certain that kids overhear them say.

 

PARENTING

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  9 Things Boys Need To Hear Their Father Say At Home
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  In parenting, it often helps to say the quiet parts out loud.  

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What Fathers Need to Tell Boys More Often  

01
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“I’ve Failed a Million Times.” To a kid, it’s easy to think that Dad never does
anything wrong. A young boy needs to know from an early age that his father has
failed twice as many times in hundreds of different ventures.

“The ideal masculine type, and what boys who are raised with flesh-and-blood
fathers get to observe is all of the human failings of the man,” says Dr.
Michael C. Reichert, psychologist and author of How to Raise a Boy: The Power of
Connection to Build Good Men. “The way we lose our cool. The way we’re scared.
The way we’re in love with our partners. All that human substance is
demythologizing the role. Telling your son ‘You know, I’ve made a shitload of
mistakes’ is primarily to demythologize and make masculinity itself more real
and acceptable and not some ideal unachievable standard.”

 

01
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“Was That Really Your Best Effort?” In moments where you see your son
half-assing something, it’s important to call him out to ensure he’s putting
forth his best effort. Even more important is how you go about doing so.

“In my research, I’ve found what enabled a boy to do his very best work is a
teacher who knows him and holds him to high standards. A man who basically says,
‘That’s not your best, go back and try again,’ and refuses to settle for less.
Those are the teachers that boys respect the most. Those are what we call
‘transformative relationships’ because the boy is pulled by the weight of the
relationship to accomplish more than he would on his own.”

 

01
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“Hurt People Hurt People.” This is more than just a clever phrase found all over
Pinterest. It’s a good lesson for boys to learn at a young age. Hurt people do
harm — either with words or actions — because they have been hurt. This, per
Reichert, is known as “traumatic reenactment.” A father needs to teach his son
that when a person hurts him, it’s just to transfer the pain from being hurt
themselves. Understanding why a person might do something hurtful doesn’t make
up for the pain, but it does put it in perspective.

 

 

FURTHER READING 7 Things Boys Need to Hear From Their Fathers
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How Men Can Raise Boys to Be Their Best, Most Authentic Selves
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8 Harsh Truths About Raising Boys Every Dad Should Understand
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MONEY

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crisis — and how it can be fixed.
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TRAVEL

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  You Should Visit The “Serengeti Of The United States”
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  Sprawling grasslands rife with bison. Vast, crane-filled rivers. Abundant
trails. This is a wildlife-centric family vacation worth considering.
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ADVICE

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  7 Extremely Clear Ways to Tell Someone “No”
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coming across the wrong way.
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GEAR

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got you covered.
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