The Many Dangers of Leaning on Your Child For Emotional Support
Fatherly
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GETTING ALONG WITH FAMILY CAN BE A CHALLENGE. IN-LAWS HAVE A NOTORIOUS
REPUTATION FOR A REASON. KIDS THROW TANTRUMS AND CAN SEEM IMMUNE TO NEARLY ANY
TYPE OF DISCIPLINE OR PARENTING STYLE YOU TRY. AND WITH HOW DIFFICULT IT CAN BE
TO SOLVE ARGUMENTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE, IT’S NO WONDER THAT ABOUT 40% OF MARRIAGES
END IN DIVORCE. THE CONFLICTS IN ALL OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS CAN HAVE REAL
EFFECTS ON BOTH YOUR HEALTH AND WELLBEING AND THAT OF YOUR KIDS, SO IT’S
IMPORTANT TO MANAGE THEM CORRECTLY. EACH TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES DIFFERENT
APPROACHES TO KEEP THE PEACE. AND, YES, IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE MORE THAN A BIT OF
COMPROMISE.
SCIENCE
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DON’T GET ALONG WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW? YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
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BUT IT'S CRUCIAL TO GET PAST YOUR IN-LAW ISSUES, FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS.
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READ THE STORY
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TIPS AND TRICKS
SOMETIMES IN-LAWS CAN BE OVERBEARING, BUT YOU HAVE TO GET ALONG WITH THEM
ANYWAY. THIS IS HOW.
1. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE:MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER KNOW WHAT THE
OTHER IS FEELING AT ALL TIMES WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS WITH MOM AND DAD.
2. KEEP YOUR COOL: LOSING YOUR TEMPER WILL ONLY CREATE BIGGER PROBLEMS. ALWAYS
BE RESPECTFUL TO YOUR IN-LAWS, EVEN WHEN EXPRESSING THAT YOU DISLIKE SOMETHING
THEY DO.
3. CREATE BOUNDARIES: IT’S KEY TO MAKE EXPECTATIONS CLEAR UP FRONT, INCLUDING
FREQUENCY AND THE LENGTH OF VISITS.
4. DON’T FORGET WHO YOUR IN-LAWS ARE: WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, YOUR IN-LAWS
ARE YOUR CHILDREN’S GRANDPARENTS. IT’S IMPORTANT TO FIND A WAY TO HAVE THEM BE A
PART OF YOUR LIVES WHILE STILL MANAGING TO HOLD ON TO YOURS.
5. CREATE FAMILY RITUALS: CREATE SOME KIND OF A REGULAR APPOINTMENT WHERE YOUR
FAMILY CAN GET TOGETHER WITH YOUR IN-LAWS AND CATCH UP, BUT DON’T MAKE IT SO
FREQUENT THAT YOU FEEL SMOTHERED.
READ MORE HERE
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FURTHER READING
* 6 WELL-MEANING PHRASES TO AVOID SAYING TO YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
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* 6 SIGNS OF TOXIC IN-LAWS — AND HOW TO COMBAT THEIR BEHAVIOR
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* WHAT I WISH MY SON-IN-LAW WOULD DO LESS, ACCORDING TO 10 MOTHERS-IN-LAW
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HEALTH
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BROTHER, SISTER, RIVAL, FRIEND: THE LONGSTANDING EFFECTS OF SIBLING
RELATIONSHIPS
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NEW RESEARCH IS BRINGING AN UNEXPECTED TRUTH TO LIGHT: SIBLINGS MAY HAVE AS
POWERFUL AN EFFECT ON ONE ANOTHER'S LIVES AS PARENTS DO.
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READ THE STORY
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PARENTING
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THE MANY DANGERS OF LEANING ON YOUR CHILD FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
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CHILDREN ARE NATURALLY EMPATHETIC, SO IT’S EASY FOR PARENTS TO CROSS THE LINE
UNINTENTIONALLY INTO “PARENTIFICATION”: PLACING CHILDREN IN SITUATIONS WHERE
THEY FEEL MORE LIKE PARENTS THAN CHILDREN.
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READ THE STORY
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TIPS AND TRICKS
WATCH YOUR WORDS
ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT NOT STRIKE A LOT OF PARENTS AS PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR, IT’S NOT
OKAY TO TELL YOUR KID, “I HAD A STRESSFUL DAY AT WORK
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AND NEED A HUG,” SAYS COUNSELOR BRENT SWEITZER. “THAT’S MORE ABOUT YOUR NEEDS
AND NOT YOUR CHILD’S,” HE SAYS. “IT INTERFERES WITH CHILDREN’S AUTONOMY. THEY
MIGHT THINK, ‘WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DON’T HUG? WILL MY PARENT STOP LOVING ME?’
IT’S FINE TO ASK YOUR CHILD TO SIT ON YOUR LAP, FOR EXAMPLE, BUT IT SHOULD
ALWAYS BE A CHOICE FOR THE CHILD.”
FURTHER READING
* 5 PERSONALITIES THAT CREATE HIGH CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
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* 3 INEFFECTIVE PARENTING STYLE HABITS THAT MAKE KIDS AVOIDANT
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* THE CLEVER PARENTING TRICK THAT HELPS ME BE A BETTER DAD, ACCORDING TO 9 MEN
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MARRIAGE
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IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOO CLOSE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD?
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CLOSENESS IS WONDERFUL. BUT WHEN YOU'RE SO CLOSE THAT YOU LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR
INDIVIDUAL NEEDS AND FEELINGS, BOUNDARIES MAY NEED TO BE REDRAWN.
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READ THE STORY
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