Here’s a positive thought. I want you to think back to a moment in your life when you found yourself in a disagreement with someone. Perhaps that moment was uncomfortable, and things were said that left some bitterness behind, maybe even to the extent that you felt like you didn’t want to talk to the other person ever again. In these moments, we tend to want to feel validated, looking to win rather than to do what is right, or necessary, or best for everyone involved. Our ego gets the better of us as well, looking to protect our pride over anything. But in today’s climate, where divisiveness seems to be the norm, how can we choose instead to be ‘the bigger person’?
When we get into an argument, or a disagreement, we often view it as a zero-sum game where there must be a winner, and that is us. But when we’re able to look beyond this understanding of a dispute and, in fairly simple terms, ‘be the bigger person’, we not only help encourage healthy debate, we can do so without compromising our own convictions or principles. There are a lot of different themes we touch upon in the Sunshine Report that relate back to this idea of being the bigger person. We’ve spoken about finding common ground and also paying it forward. Similarly, the ability to be the bigger person in a tense or contentious moment promotes both these ideas as well. Choosing to be the bigger person doesn’t necessarily mean walking away from a debate or difficult conversation. Instead, being the bigger person involves active listening, asking the other person questions to better understand their position, helping them feel heard and that their opinion is valued, even if you might not agree with it. It’s a solutions-based approach that actually, when put into practice properly can create the basis for incredibly constructive dialogue that helps provide clarity and purpose.
The truth is, most arguments give us a faulty sense of reality, confining us to a very binary understanding of right and wrong, when in fact it’s not so black and white. Being the bigger person might also mean taking responsibility for one’s role in a conflict, especially when both parties might share blame. The other side of that coin is that someone may simply have a different perspective on the same issue, which doesn’t make them wrong, it just differs from what we believe. Yet as we’ve also discussed in the Sunshine Report, respecting the rights of others to believe what they believe in is the basis of a free society. So, in some ways, the ability to be the bigger person isn’t just about a simple disagreement, by practicing this, it’s also helping to reinforce one of our fundamental rights as free people. So, the next time you find yourself in a tough situation, a disagreement, or maybe even a full-blown argument, take a step back, and see how you can be a peacemaker by ‘being the bigger person’.
