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New Year Fundraising Appeal - Day 7
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Dear Supporter,
This is Hayley’s story:
When I was 15, I met "Scott".
He was the cool older guy with the nice-ish car, his own house (council rented, but it seemed very grown up to me), and a loud group of friends who all seemed to look up to him in some way – a bit of a ringleader, if you like.
He already had two children from a previous relationship. I think he was 21 or 22, not older than that, but still too old for me. I didn't think so at the time, though.
When I was invited to his house for a party by a friend and he looked my way, I was overwhelmed. I didn't think anyone like him would ever look twice at me. I had very low self-worth and a deep need to feel like I belonged somewhere.
Of course, it was all a fantasy. I was being blatantly used. Scott had countless other sexual partners and made me aware that if I didn't do something for him, then they would.
I found out that I was pregnant when I had just turned 16.
Scott didn't want to hear about it.
He demanded that I have an abortion. I spoke to my uncle - he called me many hurtful names and threw me out.
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I went to live with my biological father and his family, but my step-mum was pregnant, and they didn't have room for me to stay long-term.
My dad tried to get me rented accommodation. I was a child. I was scared. In that moment, I felt more lost and alone than ever.
Nobody wanted me around. I wanted Scott back. "I need him," was all I could think. I only felt seen and wanted when I was with him – which was crazy, I know.
My uncle agreed for me to come back. This was a mistake, because Scott lived around the corner and, of course, the abuse started again.
He would go between sweet nothings and trying to run me over with his car.
I really wanted my baby, but in that moment, I felt like I needed him more. He kept telling me it was just cells, anyway; it wouldn't feel anything or know anything about it. When the time was right, we could have more children.
I booked the appointment. I was 12 weeks pregnant, maybe a few days before. Scott got me to borrow £10 from my uncle for fuel and he and his friend drove me to our nearest clinic about 40 miles away.
He left me there and I went through it all alone. A counsellor had to see me. I told her that I couldn't speak to her because, if I did, I would change my mind.
She sent me back to the waiting room.
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I was given pessaries to put inside me and then I had to wait. I cried the whole time. I just wanted someone to say "STOP, don't do it." But nobody did.
I remember they came to take me in and lay me on the bed to be put to sleep. I was crying so hard. The nurse was stroking my hair and saying, "It will all be OK."
The last thing I said before I went to sleep was, "No, it won’t. Nothing will ever be OK again."
When I came around, I jumped off the bed and just wanted to leave.
I said, "Well, that's that done, then." I remember all the women in their beds. They were sad; they were looking at me with an odd look that asked, "Why aren’t you crying?"
I went to the waiting room, and I waited for hours for Scott to pick me up. I think I was the last to leave. As I walked out to the car, I was in pain and still bleeding heavily.
I got in the back and told him that I was in pain. He told me that I was lying and looking for sympathy.
We went back to his house, and I started to cry. He told me I might as well go home if I was going to cry. So, I did.
This sad story is all the more tragic because today, tomorrow and next week many more “Hayleys” will be pressured into abortions that they feel they have “no choice” but to go through with.
SPUC’s sister-charity has been helping women (and men) come to terms with the deep regret associated with an abortion experience ever since 1987.
Those running the ARCH project (Abortion Recovery Care and Helpline) understand better than most the circumstances that typically lead women to abort their children.
Coercion comes top of its list.
- In a 2018 Times article, Clare Bremner reported that 75 per cent of the women - three in four - who seek professional help after abortions report having been pressurised or bullied into the decision.
Coercion is such a recognised factor in abortion that even some abortion advocates have long acknowledged it:
- Ethicist Daniel Callahan, who describes himself as “pro-choice”, said: “That men have long coerced women into unwanted abortion when it suits their purposes is well-known but rarely mentioned. Data reported by the [pro-abortion] Alan Guttmacher Institute indicate that some 30 percent of women have an abortion because someone else, not the woman, wants it.”
Women can face many sources of pressure and coercion that lead to abortion.
In the most extreme cases, women are coerced by partners, family members and medical staff into having abortions that they do not want.
But coercion occurs in what we might call “loving” and “stable” families and relationships too.
In fact, this “passive coercion” occurs more often.
It’s a more subtle form of coercion that can be often motivated by genuine concerns and fears for a pregnant woman’s health and wellbeing.
But it is coercion nonetheless.
The outcome is as devastating as when the coercion is the result of more sinister motives – like those encountered by Hayley – because it still results in her child’s life being snatched away from her forever.
If we are going to make abortion “unthinkable”, we must start by getting all sectors of society - in politics, healthcare, education, media etc – to consider the impact of pressure and coercion on women.
Will you help shine a light on coercive abortion?
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Stories like Hayley’s are powerful.
Women like Hayley are capable of changing the narrative around abortion in the UK and demolishing the empty rhetoric which is holding the lie of “choice” together.
We need to break the spell which is making life so thoroughly miserable for so many women - and so deadly for our babies.
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- This year, SPUC is producing a video of Hayley’s testimony to highlight coercion.
But commissioning, filming and promoting a video like this, which has the power to reach and influence the people who matter most – journalists, MPs, faith leaders, educators – doesn’t come cheap.
- Academic research is being commissioned too.
We all know how people sit up and pay attention to what the experts have to say.
Women deserve to hear the truth about coercion and that’s why we need to raise £35,000 to employ top researchers with the right credentials who will be taken seriously.
Will you donate £25 today to ensure that women across the UK hear it like it is?
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Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
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John Deighan
Chief Executive Officer
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PS – There is a reason why SPUC has saved so many lives through its work down the years.
That reason is YOU, and people like you.
Whether it’s through your annual membership subscription, volunteering to man a helpline or pledging a substantial legacy, each and every one of you holds a special place in the SPUC family.
Court challenges, pro-life support services and public events – these are all paid for by you.
Will you support SPUC’s 2022 coercion campaign today with a £25 donation - or another amount that you can afford – so that stories like Hayley’s can one day bring about a change to the abortion law in this country?
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