Want to Better Manage Your Anger? Learn to Recognize Your Triggers
Recognizing the moments that precede our parental meltdowns can help minimize the damage. “In order to not lose our shit, first we have to realize that we’re about to lose our shit,” she says. Pay attention to your behavior in the moments leading up to losing your shit. “Everybody’s red flags look a little different,” say Carla Naumburg, social worker and author of the book How to Stop Losing Your Shit With Kids. “And when I notice my red flags, I’ll say to my girls, ‘You guys I’m about to yell at you. So, either you need to go into a different room or I have to.’”
The next step is critical: take a beat. “Once you start to notice that the dynamite’s been lit, you can pause,” Naumburg says. “The pause is really important. If there were a real threat, we would not pause. We are sending an important message to our nervous system that this is not a threat.”
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Learn the major players of your partner’s work.
Want to be a better, more supportive partner? Get to know the cast of characters at their work. Think of your partner’s office as Game of Thrones, but with fewer ethics and double-edged battle axes. Probably. It’s easy to remember the stock power structure of the Stressful Workplace: maniacal boss, wishy-washy office manager, irrationally energetic millennial out to make a name. But you’ll want to know the other players too: the ones who set up all the pointless meetings, the lunch buddies, the unambitious underlings. Write Jeff Vrabel has actually written notes on things like this so he doesn’t have to keep asking, “Wait, which one is Karen?” “Is this the guy who keeps scheduling late meetings?” Admittedly, he says, it felt a little creepy at first. But if you’re going to be an ally, you need to have an active understanding of the players, and few things are more irritating than asking, “Wait, who?” nine times.
Here is some more wisdom on helping your partner handle work stress.
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