| Hey , It’s still my birthday month, but that’s not why I’m sending this email. If you mistake this email for a birthday month email and choose to send me cash, I will, however, gladly accept it. But what I’m about to say is more important. So important in fact, that I’m choosing to share the spotlight with a certain politician’s abuela. As you may have heard, congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s grandmother lives in Puerto Rico and has fallen ill in a dilapidated home that was hit by Hurricane Maria in 2017. AOC— who received her usual paycheck throughout the entirety of the pandemic— unfortunately does not have the money to repair her abuela’s roof. As you can imagine, this is devastating for AOC. Doing a photo-op at abuela’s with red lipstick and taking to Twitter to complain about systemic injustice might not cut it here. So, it’s no wonder she’s been parking her $499/month Tesla illegally in front of Whole Foods. Family stress makes even the best of us act like monsters incapable of adhering to grocery store social code, and we should all be more understanding. That’s why I started a GoFundMe for her abuela, to take the burden off AOC’s shoulders. And it seems to be working. We’ve already surpassed our goal of $48,990— and did more for AOC’s abuela in four hours than the government did in the last 3.5 years. But again, we must not put the blame on AOC. Saving the world from cattle flatulence and shopping at Whole Foods are uphill battles that would waste years of any good man’s time. So, if you’ve donated already, thank you for being a part of this noble cause. I am honored to have you on this email list. If you haven’t, you must know that renovation expenses always come in over budget, so— although I reached my goal— I will keep going.
Every penny will find abuela and should she choose to accept it—she will sleep safely and soundly, because of you, and me, of course. Matt Walsh 1831 12th Ave South Ste. 460, Nashville, TN 37203 Unsubscribe from Announcements, News, and Events | Unsubscribe from all email |