This is the 7th of

10 conversations

about preventing

child sexual abuse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next Conversation:

#8  Impact of Child Sexual Abuse

on Children

Tactics abusers use

so children won't tell


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reporting suspected child sexual abuse is everyone's responsibility - whether a mandated reporter or private citizen. If you suspect a child has been sexually abused, contact your local child protective services. To locate the child protective services reporting number in your state, as well as other resources, call Childhelp at

800-4-A-CHILD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your commitment to

protecting children.

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2011, Massachusetts Citizens for Children Inc.

 

Permission to copy, disseminate or otherwise use information from this report is granted as long as Enough Abuse Campaign/Massachusetts Citizens for Children is identified as the source. 

 

As we have learned, child sexual abusers frequently groom children gradually over time. As a result, a child will often not fully understand what is happening until the abuse is well underway.  At that point, the child may believe – in fact, will most likely have been told by the abuser – that they are to blame for what is happening and if they tell they will get into a lot of trouble.

 

As adults, it is our responsibility to communicate to children that it is okay to talk to us or ask questions about any situations that make them feel confused or uncomfortable. We need to help children understand that no matter what, their feelings will be respected and taken seriously.

 

There are key prevention messages we can share with children about their bodies and their rights that will help them feel more confident and that may reduce their risk of abuse. Sharing these messages with your child will make it more likely that he or she will talk to you about anything confusing that might happen to them in the future, including any behaviors that might lead to sexual abuse.

 

You can begin sharing these concepts with children as early as three years of age. Remember these are prevention messages. It's easy when you start early and reinforce these messages often. Don't postpone speaking to your child until they are "just a little older". The most frequent age of child abuse victims is nine and nearly a quarter of victims are under eight years of age.

 

 

 

Here are some "Parent Talking Points" that you can use to increase your child's safety. Practice saying them, and then share them with your child.

  1. "All the parts of our bodies are good and special and they deserve care and respect. Just like knees and noses, all body parts have their own names. We can refer to them by those names without feeling embarrassed. The names for what some people call 'private parts' are penis, vagina, breasts, and buttocks."

    Talk to your child about these body parts in an open and relaxed way. Mentioning the correct names for private body parts during your child's bath time can be a comfortable and natural occasion to share this information.  Remember, when we purposely avoid mentioning private body parts, we send our children the message that these parts are not to be spoken about and mentioning them makes us uncomfortable. Sexual abusers count on children to follow their parents' lead not to bring up matters involving private body parts.  If they know that children will be reluctant to bring up any issue about private body parts, the abuser gains confidence they can abuse without being found out. 
     
  2. "Grown-ups and older children have no business 'playing' with a child's private body parts.  Sometimes grown-ups need to help children with washing or wiping these body parts, but that's not the same as playing with them. Sometimes doctors need to examine these body parts if there is a problem. But they never do that without a nurse or parent present and it's never a secret."
     
  3. "Grown-ups and older children never, ever need help from children with their private body parts.  If any grown-up or older child should ask for this kind of help, you can come and tell me right away, even if it's someone in our family or someone we know. Also, if any grown-up or older child shows you their private parts or pictures of private parts, you can come and tell me. I promise I will listen and I will not be angry. If you are ever feeling 'mixed up' about anything, including secrets, feelings, or private body parts, you can tell me and I promise I will help you."
     
  4. "Children and adults, too, have body boundaries that you should not cross. So it's important to follow the bathing suit rule - never touch other children on the parts of their bodies that would be covered by their bathing suit.  It will be upsetting to them and to their parents, teachers, and friends. It will be a problem for you, too. If you are curious about all this, come and tell me and we can talk about it. Remember, if you are ever feeling 'mixed up' or confused about anything, including secrets, feelings, or private body parts, you can tell me and I promise I will help you."  
     
  5. "Surprises are good for children but secrets are not.  Surprises are secrets that are meant to be fun when they are told, like a surprise party. But secrets that are not supposed to be told can be dangerous because they don't let me know if you are safe. For example, if a friend is playing with matches, someone offers you drugs, or someone is playing with your private body parts or asking you to help them with theirs, I won't be able to keep you safe if I don't know about it."
     
  6. "You are a special person and deserve to be treated with love and respect.  You are special in so many ways. You are …" 

    Children with a strong sense of self-esteem and who are confident and assertive may be less likely to be targeted by a sexual abuser. Find ways and words to express love to your child every day. Spend quality time with your child and always provide appropriate supervision.  Just as parents have to remind children regularly to do homework, clean their rooms, brush their teeth, etc., parents need to have ongoing communication with their children about these important body safety messages.

    Avoid a one-time lecture or discussion about child sexual abuse. Instead take the opportunity to weave these simple prevention messages into everyday conversations and situations. Let your children know that talking to them about these issues means you are serious about your responsibility to protect them.

REMEMBER – it's easy, if you

start early and communicate often.

 

We hope these tips have helped you better understand the nature and scope of child sexual abuse. If you are interested in speaking with other parents, concerned adults, and trained professionals about this information, go to www.enoughabuse.org and check out events in your community where you can gain more information and skills about how to reduce the risk of abuse for your child.  Working together, we as parents, adults and communities can prevent the sexual abuse of our children!