Ukraine-Gate - Nothing To See Here!

Holy mad cows, Mad Doggies! What a truly mind-blowing news cycle we have found ourselves in! We are living through some pretty intense history this week, this month, this year. One day we will all tell the grandpups how we watched the Trump Train derail and crash at last. Hopefully, this is the beginning of justice, and hopefully, it won’t get billbarred this time. Karma’s reckoning has been long coming for this sorry ship of fools.

So if your head is still spinning from the torrential downpour of damning headlines, we've included some links to catch everyone up to speed. You can deep dive these later, but here are the highlights:

The NRA are even bigger traitors than we thought. Wait, what? You mean to tell me that we just found out that not only did the NRA take a metric f*** ton more rubles from the Russians than the already-bad $30 million we knew about AND they basically let the Kremlin take over their convention AND their messaging AND helped them network with more right wing organizations? AND if that alone isn’t treasonous enough for you, apparently longtime NRA big wig Wayne LaPierre was telling Donny Two Scoops that he’d pay for Trump’s legal defense for impeachment if Trump would back off his comments about considering gun control after that especially bloody weekend we had recently. Funnily enough, didn’t we notice Agent Orange run his mouth for about a day or so about supporting gun control, only to pull a massive flip-flop on the issue right after that? Here's a thread by Greg Olear that breaks it down really well: https://twitter.com/gregolear/status/1177899666987507712
OH, FANTASTIC, ANOTHER PERVERT AT MAR-A-LAGO! What is with all these creepers always around Trump? This time it wasn’t a guest kompromat-krashing the party, though. An Army NCO guy who was working comms for POTUS/VPOTUS and traveled with them to set up and manage communications operations in places like Mar-A-Lago, took a few suggestive pictures of a little girl wearing only underwear, standing next to a Christmas tree and playing board games (excuse us while we go ugly cry for that poor child). He posted these to a Russian porn site from Mar-A-Lago itself. He pleaded out to a lesser charge over the summer and is doing probation now. If your hair is on fire about the national security implications of that, you’re not alone. What a stunning failure of HR. Only the best, right? https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/article235563497.html
Rudy Giuliani should probably stop having vodka for breakfast. We guess you’d have to be too drunk to feel your face to get on tv and accidentally incriminate yourself in treason. And then just keep digging the hole deeper all week, dear baby Zoroaster! For an ex-prosecutor he sure doesn’t know when to STFU. So yeah, we all wondered what Rudy was up to in Ukraine earlier this year: it was treasoning, of course. His unintentional self-flagellation-on-tv tour included him calling other guests “morons” and doing a (drunk) impression of a Romney-bot 3000 on Laura Ingraham’s White Power Hour. Also that he, Rudy G, is the “real whistleblower” and that he thinks Joe Biden is going to put a hit out on him now? Maybe? https://www.businessinsider.com/rudy-giuliani-says-real-whistleblower-trump-ukraine-2019-9
Snapping Turtle: In a rare show of patriotic-sounding lip service, the only giant tortoise ever elected to the US Senate, Mitch McConnell, stated Friday that if the House impeaches Trump, the Senate has no choice but to hold the trial. We’re pretty sure he only said that because he couldn’t figure out how to billbarr his way out of holding one, though. https://t.co/y6rnQjZyqF
Italian Love Affair (with Treason): Bannon, Bill Barr (the living verb of infamy in the flesh), Pompeo and Javanka are all meeting together in Italy with a bunch of Russian oligarchs. Hello Captain Obvious, we have treason happening in real time right in front of us! In case you need to not sleep tonight, here’s a little thread we found that will certainly keep you up: https://twitter.com/Pulsa48/status/1177992689507135488
But His Transcripts: You’d think he’d have realized that private servers might bite him in the hind end, but he wasn’t called “the dumbest gd student I ever had” for nothing. So, he was hiding the Ukraine call. Also who knows how many Putin calls. Certainly some Prince Bin Bonesaw calls. They’ve been routinely classifying, in a secret separate system, all the Trump phone calls they don’t want anyone to see because they discuss politically awkward subject matter (how they’re going to crime it up with more treason together, naturally). Catch up on it with this CNN clip: https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/27/politics/white-house-restricted-trump-calls-putin-saudi/index.html
In Mad Dog news - our Dumbest President billboard goes up in red, red, RED western PA this week! I-76 near Somerset!

And because we could - we created the sweetest little "Trump Blows" whistle this side of Kiev. By all means, blow yours at a Trump rally. We're ALL whistleblowers now!

Woof! We are barked out after this one. And we haven't even touched on Sharpie-Gate, Golfing Graham, Ivanka the "top diplomat" or Jared's treasony footsie game with MBS. Oh, and the gift that keeps on giving: Hilary's emails. At this rate, maybe by our next newsletter, Hair Fuhror will have resigned (we can dream, right?)!

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