Content warning: The following email contains descriptions of suicide and bereavement.
Good afternoon
If I may, I’d like to begin by showing you a picture of my son, Gavin.
Gavin was intelligent and artistic, much-admired by his colleagues in the film industry, and much-loved by me and his family. Gavin was also one of hundreds of terminally ill people who end their own lives each year.
Gavin was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2014 at just 50 years old. He had been in remission for 6 years when, in January 2020, cancer galloped back into his life. We knew that, this time, it was a death sentence.
The throat cancer was rapidly advancing, he couldn’t swallow anything - we were told that the tumour would grow daily and, in effect, would slowly but surely strangle him. There was no treatment that could have saved him and no care that could have fully prevented his suffering. Given the choice, Gavin would have wanted to live. But his choice wasn’t between living or dying - his only choice was how he wanted to die.
An assisted dying law could have eased so much of his suffering, knowing that when it became too much he could choose to die when and how he wanted. Without this choice, Gavin felt he was out of options.
A few days before he died he attempted to end his life at home and was admitted to hospital. But his choices - or lack of choices - remained the same. It is a measure of his desperation that he walked out of the hospital Emergency Department onto a nearby main road and threw himself in the path of a passing lorry.
The effect of the manner of Gavin’s death on me and my family is ongoing and unforgettable. I feel I failed him and grieve every day. How much easier it would have been for all of us if Gavin had been given the choice of an assisted death. My family and I could now have an image of him of dying peacefully surrounded by those whom he loved and who loved him. We wouldn’t have his violent end constantly hanging over us.
I told MPs my story last month and they were sympathetic - but they need to know Gavin’s experience isn’t a one-off. At the moment, the Government doesn’t even collect evidence on cases like these. The Government needs to know that, without an assisted dying law, suicide can become an unacceptable and appalling last resort for some dying people.
If you’ve ever been in a similar circumstance to me and Gavin, either as a terminally ill person yourself, or with a terminally ill loved one, and you want to help support the campaign to legalise assisted dying, please, share your story with Dignity in Dying today.
In January, Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health, agreed to consider looking at the experiences of terminally ill people who, through a lack of a legal and safe choice here in the UK, feel they must take their own lives at home. Telling him stories like mine will keep the pressure up to make sure the Government carries out this work and demonstrate the urgent need to legalise assisted dying.
Thank you so much for reading mine and Gavin’s story.
P.S. If you’ve had an experience like mine and want to show the Government that suicide isn’t an acceptable alternative for terminally ill people dying in pain, please share your story with Dignity in Dying.
If you’ve been affected by any issues relating to terminal illness or suicide and need to talk to someone, the Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call them on 116 123 or email them at [email protected]
If you have struggled with grief following a bereavement, you can also contact Cruse Bereavement Care to talk about how you’re feeling. You can call them on 0808 808 1677 or find out more on their website.
