Dear John,

My name is Chandra — many know me as a mother, a daughter, and a friend. What this doesn’t tell you is that I am also a sandwich caregiver to my mother and two adult sons. Being a caregiver also means I’m an advocate, a case manager, an accountant, a cook, a housekeeper, and a former employee turned freelancer. This is the real me I’d like to introduce you to today: the one that balances hats, budgets, and emotions. I’ve learned that as a caregiver we have to cover so many bases — with little to no easily accessible support.

A few years ago, my younger son, J, was rushed to the hospital by his roommates after suffering from a medical episode caused by diabetes. As any mother would, my first instinct was to rush to the hospital to be at my child’s side. But for me, this decision was met with other hard choices.

My eldest son, Brandon, suffered a stroke at the age of nine and while he does not require full-time care, he cannot be left unsupervised for long periods of time. Since his day program (which was a challenge to secure in the first place) was closed due to COVID-19, I have been Brandon’s full-time in-home caregiver. My mind raced when I found out the news about J in the hospital — “Who will be home to care for Brandon if I go to the hospital to be with J? If I stay with Brandon at home, who will be by J’s side to comfort and coordinate care?”

I had nowhere to turn to for support. How does a mother choose?

As caregivers, we are constantly forced to make these impossible decisions. Being the sole caregiver of two immunocompromised sons and providing long distance support for my mother is not easy, and during a pandemic the necessary precautions are tenfold. Simple tasks such as grocery shopping, especially in a pandemic, require juggling schedules and health risks. However, even prior to the pandemic, we have been working within a fractured system. I know that the day may come again, and unless there are accessible, affordable, and safe caregiving options to lean on for support, I’ll be forced to make another difficult decision.

As you can imagine, the pandemic has spotlighted the complexity of caregiving in an already fractured system. Caring Across Generations is working to fix this by advocating for policies that support dignity across the lifespan and increase the quality of care we and our loved ones deserve. Will you support the work Caring Across does — and the work I do with them as a Care Fellow — with an end of year gift today so we can work to fix this system together?

My mother and sons are the reason I became a Caring Across Generations Care Fellow. Caring Across, like myself, is a relentless fighter. Together, we are working to lift the voices of caregivers much like myself. I needed to be a part of the critical work they are leading to advocate for policies that encompass the lifespan of needs we have, like paid family and medical leave, long-term services and supports, and childcare! And with a new administration who has prioritized caregiving like never before, I am more optimistic than ever that together, with your help, we can change the lives of caregivers and our families for generations to come. We can prevent caregivers from having to make impossible decisions on their own.

I share my story with you today with one caveat — that this is the story of many. What we do is not easy, but we make it work for the people we love. Will you join us?

Together for Care,

Chandra, Care Fellow
Caring Across Generations