It's easy for kids get antsy at the end of a long weekend — and for parents to be out of things to do. We're here to help.
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Everyone’s a little on edge right now. Worry, stress, exhaustion, and frustration are high; opportunities to find release are low. In other words: It’s easier than ever to piss one another off. Small fights. Big fights. Small fights that turn into big fights. Eye rolls that lead to hour-long arguments.
But here’s a great de-escalation tactic to remember the next time you’re having an argument with your partner and want to cool things down: listen to their emotions, not their words. Seriously. Normal verbal communication hinges on words. Arguments, however, aren’t normal communication. “You de-escalate by ignoring the words, paying attention to the emotions and feelings and reflecting them back,” attorney and mediator Douglas Noll told us.
Here’s how it works: First, acknowledge your own emotions. If you feel angry, frustrated, and disrespected, say “I feel angry, frustrated, and disrespected.” Then put analytical reasoning aside. Don’t attempt to fix things or solve problems — a desire that arises from an unconscious need to soothe your own anxiety around the dispute or fight — which can only escalate the conflict. “The secret is to de-escalate the emotions and only then problem-solve,” Noll says. “You de-escalate by ignoring the words, paying attention to the emotions and feelings.” Right now, when we’re all wound up, this can help release the tension. |
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