President Trump was the first president not to have a White House pet in more than 100 years. Mr. Biden will bring two German shepherds, one of which was adopted from a shelter. —News item

There is an old publishing joke in which a writer pitches a book to be titled Hitler’s Doctor’s Dog. The publisher is mystified. The writer explains that Hitler books always sell, readers are fascinated with doctors, and everyone loves dogs.

Well, not everyone. Extreme narcissists don’t love dogs, because they don’t love anyone except themselves. And the dog might steal the spotlight. And you can’t very well fire a dog.

Staffer: Sir, I think you might consider getting a dog.

President: Why would I want to do that?

Staffer: It might be good for your image.

President: What’s wrong with my image? The lamestream media lies. People love me just the way I am.

Staffer: Sir, seeing you with a pet could make you seem more, uh, affectionate.

President: Are you saying I’m not affectionate? Ask Ivanka. Ask Barron. Ask any of my golfing partners.

Staffer: Of course, sir. I just think more Americans should be exposed to that side of you.

President: I hate dogs.

Staffer: Even Hitler had a dog, a German shepard named Blondi.

President: And …?

Staffer: Sir, you don’t have to spend time with the dog, just a few photo ops now and then.

President: So you think a dog would help my image, that there is something wrong with my image?

Staffer: Well, that’s one way of putting it.

President: You’re fired!