FROM: REDACTED @thames-ish-water.co.uk TO: [email protected] SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch Hi REDACTED , Firstly — tremendous lunch. The turbot was extraordinary. Let’s do it again soon. Quick update on the latest disaster after Channel 4’s antics and everyone’s been on our bloody case: We’re working on a marketing make-over for sewage dumps. What do you think of calling them “storm overflow events”, “sewage woopsies”, or “coastal release opportunities” instead?
We’ve found three journalists to hoodwink. Two have been fobbed off with an exclusive about our otter sponsorship programme, the other we’ve gone with the old ‘the infrastructure was built in 1875 and we’ve barely had any time to improve it’ line. Hopefully that sorts it.
On that plan you came up with to help us dodge fines (cheers for that by the way), fingers crossed we get the go ahead to skip the penalties if we ‘promise’ to fix our leaks instead - hopefully nobody points out we should’ve been doing that all along!
And finally, the CEO is so stressed, the poor bloke, he’s really worrying his bonus is going to dip now they’ve been banned. We’ve reassured him that profit comes before people (of course!!!) and we’ll find a way to get him his millions.
Warmly, REDACTED Thames-ish Water™ — Hydrating Britain, Whatever the Cost ⚠️ CONFIDENTIAL: This email is intended solely for its recipient. If received in error, please delete, forget, and consider whether you really want to know.
OK, so this leak might not be legit. But these underhand tactics 100% are. John, water companies are demanding a free pass from fines while still handing massive payouts to those in charge. They’re investing in PR, not fixing their infrastructure. This is how the system is rigged. This isn't a spoof. It’s the actual industry playbook. [<[link removed]>]
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