INVADE EVERYTHING!

Donald Trump is threatening to deploy American military might from Tehran to Minneapolis. But he’s got a problem: The troops can’t be everywhere at once.

• President Donald Trump is banging the drums of war louder than ever before. He’s demanding control of Greenland, despite a potential price tag of $700 billion and the likely loss of America’s top allies. He wants to plunder Venezuela’s oil, and recently declared himself the country’s acting president. He’s keeping Iran guessing about whether he’ll attack. He’s threatening to send the military into Minneapolis, after a federal agent shot and injured a Venezuelan man yesterday evening, prompting a chaotic night of protests and clashes.

• Tensions are so high, a wisecrack by Trump’s ambassador to Iceland about making the country the “52nd state” has the nation demanding answers from the U.S. embassy.

• Yet Trump seems to be bumping up against the limits of even America’s powerful military capabilities. Just look at Iran: After days of threats, and a promise to Iranian protestors that “help is on the way,” the president is now signaling that, well, maybe it’s not. One reason for the apparent climb-down: Trump’s options in Iran are more limited than usual, because American troops are busy in the Caribbean.

• The Defense Department reportedly has a dozen warships in Latin American waters, versus only six in the Middle East. Some of those, which can shoot down enemy missiles or carry fighter jets that conduct strikes, were sent to help with Trump’s pressure campaign on Venezuela — where Trump’s forces have kidnapped the president, blown up alleged drug boats, and chased down oil tankers on the open ocean.

• Advisors told Trump the U.S. needs more firepower in the Middle East if he wants to launch a meaningful strike on Iran and protect America’s bases and allies, the Wall Street Journal reported.

Trump’s pressure on Venezuela, however, does appear to be getting results… in the form of looted barrels of oil, and, perhaps, a certain shiny trinket he craves.

• Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado met with Trump at the White House this afternoon. She had pledged to offer him her Nobel Peace Prize (which isn’t technically allowed)… though we haven’t gotten word whether he accepted it.

• “We count on President Trump for the freedom of Venezuela,” Machado said after the visit. But she didn’t get a public appearance alongside Trump, who has been more willing to cut deals with Venezuela’s dictatorial regime than press for a democratic transition of power.

• Venezuelan Acting President Delcy Rodríguez called for more diplomacy with the U.S. today, as well as reforms to allow more foreign investment in Venezuela’s oil industry. Funny coincidence: That’s exactly what Trump wants. You might wanna count on someone else, Maria!

“The president likes what he sees” in Venezuela, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters today.

WHAT ELSE? 👀

Palantir, the shady software company, is building an app that will help ICE agents track down potential targets’ addresses and find neighborhoods to target, 404 Media reports. “It’s called ELITE. And so it tells you how many people are living in this area and what’s the likelihood of them actually being there,” a deportation officer said in court last month. “It’s basically a map of the United States. It’s kind of like Google Maps.” Palantir and DHS didn’t respond to multiple requests for comment from the outlet.

Meanwhile, Americans’ approval of Trump’s immigration tactics hit its lowest point since he took office last year, according to a new poll. Even Republicans are split over how aggressive federal agents should be, though 95 percent of Republicans still approve of Trump as president.

Trump announced (concepts of) a plan to lower Americans’ health care, with very few specifics. “The government is going to pay the money directly to you,” the president said in a video. “It goes to you and then you take the money and buy your own health care.” Money! Genius. Why didn’t anyone think of using money before?

A federal appeals court overturned the ruling that freed Palestinian activist Mahmoud Khalil, which means that Trump’s goons may have an easier time detaining and deporting him now. Khali’s lawyers pledged to fight the decision.

Donald Trump is trying to take over D.C.’s public golf courses, and golfers ain’t having it. “He just wants it because he wants control of everything,” said a man who spent over 40 years as a caddy at one of the courses. Another golfer took a subtle swing at the president: “These are everyman courses, and that’s what I love about them.… It would be a shame to lose that.”

LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️

Grok, Elon Musk’s chatbot, is disabling users’ ability to digitally undress people in some parts of the world after international backlash. The tool will be blocked in places where generating “images of real people in bikinis, underwear, and similar attire” is illegal, according to xAI. So Elon is getting… Grok blocked (ba-dum tiss).

HHS reversed some $2 billion in cuts to mental health and substance abuse programs following public pressure and lawmaker backlash.

The American Civil Liberties Union has already filed almost 900 legal challenges against the Trump administration — and he’s only been in office for 360 days. To put that into perspective, the organization filed a total of 434 challenges against him during his entire first term.

A four-person NASA crew safely landed on Earth this morning after one of its members experienced a medical issue, according to the agency. It’s the first time NASA has ever cut one of its missions short because of a medical emergency in space, a situation that, coincidentally, happens to be my worst nightmare.

A Threads user has been documenting his efforts to teach crows in his backyard how to attack hats… specifically, certain red baseball caps. “Some folks want to befriend crows, or get them to bring trinkets. I have... other goals,” he wrote.

Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago club threw a gala for the American Humane Society’s 15th Annual Hero Dog Awards, and things got funky. Several furries crashed the party: “Attendees were filmed dancing and (we assume) laughing under their furry dog masks, Marie Antoinette-style gowns and Louis XVI tights,” one British tabloid wrote. Here’s everything you need to know about furries, if you weren’t already enlightened.

Did you see “Marty Supreme,” the Timothy Chalamet ping pong movie? It originally had a much weirder ending. At a Tears for Fears concert in the 1980s, Kevin O’Leary’s character is revealed to be a vampire, who “shows up behind [Chalamet] and takes a bite out of his neck,” director Josh Safdie said. “That was the last image of the movie … we built the prosthetics for Timmy and everything.” No spoilers here, but… that is not the ending they went with.

Pop star Harry Styles is dropping a new album on March 6, titled “Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally.” What happens when you disco all the time? Do I have to listen to the album to learn about the dangers of disco-ing too often? I’m hooked already.

eBay unveiled plans to reach net-zero carbon emissions by 2045. The new goal comes after the online resale giant pledged to power its facilities with renewable electricity by 2025 — and reached the milestone a year early. Weird Al, it’s time for a remix.