Note to readers: The What A Day crew will be busy making snow angels, sipping hot cocoa, and brainstorming bad jokes for the next two weeks. We’ll be back in your inboxes on January 5. Thanks for hanging out this year. You’ve helped make this rollercoaster news cycle more bearable for all of us here at Crooked Media. Happy holidays!

FILE FIGHTERS

The Epstein files are here! Sort of. Donald Trump’s team just published a huge batch of files — but said it will miss today’s deadline to release them all. Democrats are fuming.

• Journalists and the general public began digging through thousands of documents and photographs related to deceased sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein this afternoon. The search is still ongoing due to the sheer size of the release, but we’ve already seen a picture of former President Bill Clinton lounging in a hot tub (that I presume we’d all like to unsee), as well as new photos of Prince Andrew, Michael Jackson and Mick Jagger. Here’s the link if you want to start digging yourself!

• But one thing is sure: This release won’t end the outrage over President Donald Trump’s reluctance to share what the government knows about Epstein’s connections. And it won’t stop Democrats and journalists from battling to learn more. That’s because the Trump team announced today that they will miss the (legally mandated) deadline of midnight tonight to release everything.

• Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche reprised his former role as Trump’s personal lawyer this afternoon, arguing the Department of Justice doesn’t have to air all of its Epstein files today — even though Trump signed a law requiring the DOJ to do so.

• “I expect that we’re going to release several hundred thousand documents today,” Blanche told Fox News. But some documents need to ensure that victims’ names are redacted, he explained, so don’t expect everything to be handed in on time. “I expect that we’re going to release more documents over the next couple of weeks.”

Anger over the missed deadline was immediate.

• The DOJ had weeks to prepare for this moment. Hell, Attorney General Pam Bondi promised 10 months ago to release the files and botched the rollout, managing to piss off the MAGA base. Trump’s team has had plenty of time to get its ducks in a row. Instead, those ducks are running all over the barnyard, and officials are lamely asking for more time.

• “My goodness, what is in the Epstein files?” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) tweeted, after news broke of the delay. “Release all the files. It’s literally the law.”

• Democrats agree. The top House Democrats on the Oversight and Judiciary committees said that they’re “exploring all legal options” to hold the Trump administration accountable for allegedly breaking federal law. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer made his own threat: “There will be serious legal and political consequences” if the files aren’t entirely released.

• These aren’t empty threats. Democrats are widely expected to win back the House next year. If the DOJ botches the release of the Epstein files again, House Democrats will have much more power to retrieve those files — and demand answers from Trump’s top officials.

Side note: This New York Times investigation is worth a read: “‘Don’s Best Friend’: How Epstein and Trump Bonded Over the Pursuit of Women.”

WHAT ELSE? 👀

MAGA star Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) suddenly dropped out of the New York gubernatorial race — and announced that she won’t seek re-election in Congress. “My gut tells me this is not the right political time,” Stefanik told New York magazine. “This is not the right sort of array of things lining up.” It’s a rapid fall from grace, after her nomination to become Trump’s ambassador to the U.N. was pulled earlier this year. Womp womp.

There’s new signage on the John F. Kennedy Center, which now reads: “The Donald J. Trump and The John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts.” I blame myself for mentioning this possibility in yesterday’s newsletter. Clearly, Trump is reading carefully, and taking notes. Sorry, everyone.

A jury convicted Wisconsin Judge Hannah Dugan for her role in helping a courtroom defendant evade immigration agents in April. It’s incredibly unusual for a sitting state-court judge to face federal criminal prosecution, but the case underscores the lengths to which the Trump administration will go to enact its radical immigration policies.

Conservative elites bashed each other at the Turning Point USA conference in Phoenix, Arizona last night. One striking moment: Rightwing podcaster Ben Shapiro attacked MAGA Godfather Steve Bannon as “a PR flack for Jeffrey Epstein.” Oof! Also, Erika Kirk endorsed Vice President JD Vance for president in 2028 (and not so long after their viral hug set the internet talking). There’s still two more days of this bonanza, and plenty more wacky headlines to come out, I’m sure.

Are your kids’ holiday toys listening to you? A new report found “widespread security and privacy weaknesses” among eight popular toys: Amazon Fire Kids Tablet, Emo Robot, Huawei, Watch Kids 4, PlayShifu Plugo Count, TickTalk 5, Powerup 4.0 Airplane, Sphero Mini Activity Kit, GoCube Edge. Let’s be clear: These toys probably aren’t eavesdropping, but the report finds that hackers could possibly be able to hijack the systems if they’re used on insecure WiFi networks.

LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️

The man who stopped the Australia mass shooting last week wasn’t the only hero: A retired mechanic confronted another attacker. A second man sprinted to the scene and threw an object at the same attacker. Lifeguards from the beach also ran toward danger. The Hollywood trope of people running away from disaster is “good spectacle,” one social scientist said. “But almost entirely inaccurate.”

How do your holiday habits stack up to others? A recent poll tells you how normal (or weird) you might be: 44% of people go to bed before midnight on New Year’s Eve, 35% leave up holiday decorations after New Year’s Day, 30% give gifts to their pets, 19% put holiday decorations up before Thanksgiving, and only 6% peak at their own gifts before the holidays. That kind of behavior would guarantee you a spot on the naughty list.

It’s the giving season, and it can be difficult to know where to send donations. I found Ezra Klein’s latest podcast very helpful, as he interviewed GiveWell founder Elie Hassenfeld on his organization’s mission to make sure your money is sent to the most effective charities.

An Irish musician and an American Instagram influencer who went viral this summer for falling in love in Hallmark movie-style fashion opened up about their experience. Long story short: He slid into her DMs, she flew to Ireland on a whim to meet him, and they’re still in love. “The world is a pretty frightening place at the minute; there’s a lot of negativity, especially online,” the man said. “This is a break from that, and something that is very human and wholesome and sort of sweet, like, ‘Hey look — nice stuff happens.’”

Sure, the politics this year were pretty dreadful. But there were scores of stories that amazed, astonished or amused us — and I appreciate the Associated Press for rounding them up: A mysterious fedora-wearing teen appeared outside the Louvre heist. A humpback whale briefly swallowed a kayaker (who survived). A cat named Leonardo da Pinchy spent months stealing people’s underwear from clotheslines. A pair of Brazilian nuns went viral for beatboxing and dancing.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t shout out our incredible graphics team, who have made all of the hilarious gifs that are the best of this newsletter every day. You’ve also probably seen Zevvy, Sadie, and Sami’s work across other shows at the company, or maybe you’re wearing some merch they designed right now. Shoutout graphics team! Here’s one of our all-time favorite gifs (of HHS Secretary RFK Jr… and his brain worm):