Demand Trump fire his border patrol chief for lying to a judge!

VIDEO OF THE DAY: Ted Cruz snaps on national TV after huge election loss
Flyin' Ted lost his shit on Fox News last night, laughably labeling New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani a "communist jihadist" and warning that America's largest city is on the brink of total ruin. The reality is, Mamdani won because he was focused on issues New Yorkers care about, namely affordability. Cruz can whine all he wants about an energized left showing up in big numbers at the polls while "complacent conservatives" stayed home, but the fact of the matter is, Republicans have abandoned whatever was left of their core principles in undying fealty to Donald Trump, and fewer and fewer voters seem interested in joining them in their collective death march into the abyss.

Take Action: Impeach Trump's FCC chairman Brendan Carr!

Trump shares video calling himself "Daddy," wearing crown amid shutdown
As his record-breaking government shutdown drags on and with his party thoroughly rebuked at the polls this past Tuesday, America's wannabe dictator got right back to work, doing the people's business with tireless aplomb. Just kidding. He shared a hype video produced by the White House recycling previously posted images depicting him as a larger-than-life cult hero. The video refers to Trump as "Daddy" (ready to tread, baby!) and includes surreal edits of the autocratic nincompoop wearing a royal crown, flexing with exaggerated muscles he definitely does not have — while holding a lightsaber! — oh, and also dressed as the pope. Super normal stuff from our super normal president.

Take Action: Stop Trump from building a mass surveillance system with all our private data!

Democratic philanthropist launches bid to unseat MAGA extremist and take back the Senate
Hector Mujica for Florida: Hector Mujica, a first-generation American and family man, has spent his career helping others at Google’s philanthropic arm and making sure millions of Americans have a chance to succeed. Now he’s taking on Ashley Moody, Ron DeSantis’ handpicked appointee, in the closest race you’ve never heard of. Moody was appointed to finish out Marco Rubio’s term, which means Florida has never elected her before — and she hasn’t made herself any more popular with her rubber-stamping of Trump’s authoritarian agenda. Will you chip in to help Hector Mujica win this highly flippable seat and help take back the Senate?

Senate Republicans vote down legislation to limit Trump’s ability to attack Venezuela
Given the opportunity to rein in Donald Trump's definitely illegal extrajudicial killings on the high seas and limit his ability to launch future attacks against Venezuela, Republican senators bravely tucked their tails between their legs and sheepishly demurred. By a vote of 49-51, the GOP successfully shot down Democratic efforts to reassert congressional authority over war powers, with only Sens. Rand Paul and Lisa Murkowski daring to cross the aisle. Meanwhile, the Pentagon is assembling an unusually large force, including its most advanced aircraft carrier, in the Caribbean Sea, leading many to conclude that Trump intends to go beyond just bombing suspected drug-running boats and target Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro's regime directly. Cool.

Take Action: Tell Congress: End Trump’s Caribbean murder spree!

Trump pitches fit over election losses, says he doesn't want to "hear about the affordability"
Boy, that was quick. Just two days ago Donald introduced the world to "this new word called 'affordability'" and chastised Republican candidates for not using it enough on the campaign trail. Yesterday, the imbecile-in-chief was scream-singing a different tune, telling reporters that grocery prices are actually "way down" (they most certainly are not). A visibly irritated Trump grumbled, "So I don't want to hear about the affordability." We sure as shit bet you don't! For the record, Donald Trump — a self-proclaimed billionaire — does not want to here about "affordability" at a time when 42 million Americans have had their SNAP benefits slashed or cut off altogether by his party for nakedly political gamesmanship. Neat.

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Trump accidentally poses for defining photo of his presidency as man collapses behind him in Oval Office
The perfect photograph encapsulating Donald Trump's utter contempt for and complete indifference to the people he purportedly serves does not exi...

Community note roasts Trump’s Walmart Thanksgiving inflation spin
Lord Goldemort's pathetic victory lap earlier this week, wherein he declared Thanksgiving meal prices had dropped a stunning 25% this year, was short-lived. Intrepid readers noticed one small problem with the con man's claim — the "lower" price is simply a result of fewer items on the menu. Walmart's official 2024 Thanksgiving meal consisted of 21 items. 2025's has just 15. Also, name-brand selections were replaced with the retail giant's cheaper Great Value alternatives. So, yeah, sure, this year's meal might cost "less," but only because it's feeding fewer people. If you need to cull your guest list, might we suggest starting with red-hatted uncles and aunties who've taken sudden interest in mayoral races hundreds of miles from their hometowns.

DC Subway sandwich thrower found not guilty in epic jury rebuke of Jeanine Pirro
Folks, justice has been served in Washington, DC — with a little extra mustard and onions for good measure. Sean Charles Dunn, the super scary, pink-shirted, antifa terrorist who chucked his Subway sandwich at a throng of heavily armed federal officers outside a gay nightclub in August was acquitted of misdemeanor assault yesterday by a jury of his peers. US Attorney and professional wino Jeanine Pirro initially charged Dunn with FELONY assault, which was quickly dismissed by a grand jury this past summer. Undeterred, Pirro forged ahead with a misdemeanor charge. Gregory Lairmore, an agent with US Customs and Border Protection who was wearing a bulletproof vest, told jurors the sandwich "exploded" on his chest and that he smelled of onions and mustard. The horror! No word on whether Dunn will face any further charges for choosing to eat at Subway in a city full of objectively superior culinary options.

Judge cites Trump’s own Truth Social post in scathing order to fully fund SNAP
It appears that Donald Trump's angry social media posts have once again landed him in hot water in the courts. US District Chief Judge John J. McConnell Jr. in Rhode Island delivered a scathing rebuke of Trump’s Truth Social post from Tuesday, when the wannabe dictator claimed that money for SNAP benefits "will be given only when the Radical Left Democrats open up government." The White House later clarified that the administration still intended to pay half of the benefits for November, but the damage was already done. McConnell said that the president’s post was essentially an admission of his "intent to defy" his prior court order to pay SNAP benefits in full, and that Trump and his allies had openly admitted they were withholding funding for "political reasons." Keep tweeting, Donnie! You're doing a bang-up job!

Republican Sen. John Kennedy complains, "Our leadership just ignores me"
You and several hundred million other Americans, buddy.

GOP Rep. Nancy Mace unloads on South Carolina Sens. Tim Scott and Lindsey Graham, says "REAL MEN PROTECT WOMEN"
South Carolina Republican Nancy Mace is having quite a week. The combustible congresswoman and gubernatorial hopeful has posted on social media MORE THAN A HUNDRED TIMES about an incident at Charleston International Airport last Thursday, where airport officials say she threw a public temper tantrum and verbally attacked airport security. "She repeatedly stated we were 'F---ing Incompetent,' and "this is no way to treat a f---ing US Representative,'" a Charleston County Aviation Authority official report stated. South Carolina's Republican senators, Tim Scott and Lindsey Graham, felt compelled to weigh in on the matter, expressing their support for the employees and security personnel at the Charleston airport, calling them courteous, professional, and respectful. Mace took predictable offense and fired off even more eyebrow-raising tweets, calling out Graham's much-discussed sexual orientation and accusing both senators of not being "REAL MEN." Aye yay yay.