RED WAVING GOODBYE?

Donald Trump is going all-out to sway three key elections. Why? Because he’s on the ballot, too.

• Happy Election Day to all who love to ring out Tuesday evening with a good, old fashioned, anxious doomscroll for election results. There are big votes today in New York City, Virginia, New Jersey and California. Even if you don’t live there, these results still matter. All politics is national the era of President Donald Trump — and local races are no exception. Tonight’s results will shed new light on Democrats’ chances in next years’ midterms, and on the voting public’s view of the president. Whether Trump likes it or not, he is on the ballot.

• Here’s where things stand, according to the latest polls: Zohran Mamdani holds a commanding lead over Andrew Cuomo for New York City mayor. Democrat Mikie Sherrill has a small advantage over Republican Jack Ciattarelli for New Jersey governor. Democrat Abigail Spanberger is expected to easily defeat Republican Winsome Earle-Sears for Virginia governor. In California, voters appear poised to approve a new electoral map that could erase five Republican congressional districts.

• Trump is attempting to turn the tide in his favor in each race. His most grotesque efforts are, of course, in New York City, where Creepy Cuomo has been engaging in Islamophobia to raise fears about Mamdani’s religion. Naturally, Trump couldn’t pass that sort of thing up… so he jumped in to give Cuomo a boost, in that special sort of way he has.

• “Any Jewish person that votes for Zohran Mamdani, a proven and self professed JEW HATER, is a stupid person!!!” he wrote on Truth Social this morning, after formally endorsing Cuomo. (Mamdani giddily promoted Trump’s endorsement of his opponent as his own badge of honor.) Trump also keeps threatening to pull funding from NYC if the democratic socialist wins. You can really feel how much this guy loves his hometown!

• Some of Trump’s efforts are straight up misinformation: “If affordability is you issue, [sic] VOTE REPUBLICAN! Energy costs, as and example, [sic] are plummeting - Getting close to 2 Dollar a gallon gasoline. When energy goes down, everything else follows, and it has!!!” the president also wrote this morning, apparently without proofreading for grammar or factual inaccuracies. Energy prices are actually spiking across the country — faster than they have in years.

• Truth Social tirades aside, Trump is spending big to influence the races. He recently handed $1 million to boost Republican voter turnout in New Jersey and Virginia, pulling from his own personal war chest that’s intended to boost MAGA allies.

These elections are a major test of Trump’s popularity — and could inform next year’s midterms.

• Trump’s ratings are slipping. His net approval hit its lowest point of this term, and his disapproval rating is at an all-time high. Americans mostly blame Trump and Republicans for the government shutdown, and numerous polls show that people are feeling economic pain.

• The latest: Seventy-one percent of Americans say that their grocery prices have risen since last year, according to a new poll. He was confronted with this reality a few days ago: People “have seen their grocery prices go up,” CBS News’ Norah O’Donnell told him. “No, you’re wrong,” Trump responded. Yeah, Americans famously love it when you tell them that they’re imagining those sky-high prices!

• A Democratic sweep in today’s elections will send a clear message: Many Americans are sick of Trump, and his support isn’t as consequential as it once was. The outcome could also influence how Democrats across the country run their midterm campaigns. (No matter what happens, it’s probably a good idea to be as suave as Zohran. I mean, this guy knows how to have a good time.)

• “If the Republicans won even one of those [governor] races, they would say, ‘Oh, that’s a testament to the fact that everybody loves Donald Trump,’” former New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu told Politico. “I think the exact opposite is going to be true on Tuesday night.”

We’re expecting to know the results of all three elections before midnight. I dunno about you, but I’m biting my nails in anticipation like Spongebob learning about the Hash Slinging Slasher.

HOAGIE HURLER

Trial is underway in the case of the Sandwich Slinger, who infamously chucked a footlong sub at a federal agent in Washington D.C. And today’s opening arguments did not disappoint.

D.C. resident Sean Charles Dunn became a national icon after confronting an officer during the height of Donald Trump’s takeover of the nation’s capital. In a video, Dunn could be seen screaming “fascist” at an agent, winding up, and hurling a Subway sandwich at “point blank range.” After Dunn successfully ran away, agents swarmed his apartment like Seal Team 6 raiding Osama bin Laden’s compound.

Today, federal prosecutors laid their argument on thick as mustard: “No matter who you are, you can’t just go around throwing stuff at people because you’re mad,” Assistant U.S. Attorney John Parron told jurors, asking jurors to find Dunn guilty of a misdemeanor assault charge.

But Dunn’s lawyers got a little saucy, peppering jurors with honesty and humor: “He did it. He threw the sandwich,” defense attorney Julia Gatto said. “And now the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia has turned that moment — a thrown sandwich — into a criminal case, a federal criminal case charging a federal offense.”

The sandwich toss was simply an “exclamation point” in Dunn’s protest, Gatto explained. “It was a harmless gesture at the end of him exercising his right to speak out … He is overwhelmingly not guilty.”

A grand jury already refused to indict Dunn on a felony assault, underscoring the absurdity of the case. The trial became even more surreal when CBP Agent Gregory Lairmore, who was struck by the flying sub, took the stand.

The sandwich “exploded all over my uniform,” Lairmore said, noting that he could feel it through his ballistic vest. “You could smell the onions and the mustard.”

Defense attorney Sabrina Shroff then presented a photo of the projectile after it had been deployed, still encased in its wrapper.

“In fact, that sandwich hasn’t exploded at all,” she said.

The trial is likely to take just a couple days, which means a verdict could come this week.

WHAT ELSE?

Today marks the 35th day of the government shutdown, which means we’re now officially tied for the longest in history (with the last one… during Donald Trump’s first term). When will it end? Some senators are optimistic that a plan that could work. “Now the challenge is to get leaders of both parties and both chambers to actually talk to each other,” Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE) said.

On that note, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy warned that the shutdown could cause mass flight delays, cancellations, and even the closure of air spaces within days. “If you bring us to a week from today, Democrats, you will see mass chaos,” he said.

The FBI fired more agents who worked on cases against Trump — and then rehired some of them, Reuters reports. This whole “efficiency” thing is going really well!

Former Vice President Dick Cheney died at 84 years old. Cheney was a chief architect of the War on Terror, as well as former President George W. Bush’s disastrous occupation of Iraq. Bush hailed his former vice as a “decent, honorable man” in a statement. Decent and honorable man… not exactly the first words that would pop into many people’s minds.

Bill Gates defended his controversial change of view on climate change, in which he argued that public health and welfare initiatives should get a greater emphasis. “I didn’t think the memo was going to convert the non-believers into believers, and sure enough, it didn’t convert them,” he said. Gates also pushed back on Trump’s assertion that he admitted to being “completely WRONG” about climate change. “It’s a gigantic misreading of the memo,” Gates said.

Former NFL star Tom Brady announced that his dog, Junie, is actually a clone of his late dog, Lua, who died in 2023. “I love my animals. They mean the world to me and my family,” Brady said. “A few years ago, I worked with Colossal and leveraged their non-invasive cloning technology through a simple blood draw of our family’s elderly dog before she passed.” (That’s the same company behind the viral dire wolf resurrection.) As if this guy couldn’t get any weirder.…

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE EMAIL…

Homicide rates in major American cities plummeted this year, by as much as 40 percent in some areas, according to new data. The numbers prove that Donald Trump’s characterization of “hellhole” cities where people are “living in hell” is total bullshit.

One of Tesla’s major investors, Norway’s sovereign wealth fund, pledged to vote against approving a $1 trillion compensation package for CEO Elon Musk. Can someone please explain why the company wants to hand the most politically toxic d-bag on the planet so much money??? He’s not even the founder! Ugh.

Walgreens launched an expanded flu and COVID tracker to keep an eye on where the viruses spread during the winter. It’s another case of private companies stepping up where the Trump administration is failing: The CDC’s flu and COVID trackers haven’t been updated since before the shutdown, and even before then, the administration slowed the release of data.

It’s finally settled: Jesus, not his mother, Mary, saved the world from damnation, according to the Vatican. After decades of internal debate inside the Catholic Church, they can finally let it be.

Scientists spotted the brightest flare ever from a supermassive black hole, which shone with the light of 10 trillion suns. Okay, someone please tell Muse ASAP.