THE BIG DEBLASIO

Will the real Bill DeBlasio please stand up? Crooked’s Tommy Vietor heard directly from the man who shook up the NYC mayoral race in the funniest way possible.

• Trick-or-treat? Here at What A Day, we say: Why limit yourself? Go for both. After all, that very spirit of spooky-fun-and-disguises sure livened up the New York City mayor’s race this week, and led the Times of London to issue one helluva mea culpa over its “humiliating” screwup at the center of a New York political media circus.

• The paper had to clean up an epic, hilarious case of mistaken identity. No, that wasn’t former Democratic NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio trashing his own party’s breakout candidate, the democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani. That was 59-year-old wine distributor from Long Island, Bill DeBlasio (no relation!), who reportedly fired up ChatGPT to respond to an email from the U.K. paper seeking comment, without bothering to clarify that he’s just some random guy with a similar name.

• The mistaken identity has been a recurring incident in the less-famous DeBlasio’s life for years. “I have a little fun with it sometimes,” DeBlasio told CNN, in a joint interview with ex-Mayor de Blasio. (Note the similar but distinct spellings. As DeBlasio told one reporter, “low-class Italians use a little d.”)

• Mamdani himself found ”The Big Lebowski”-style screwball error downright comical. “I couldn’t believe it,” he told Crooked’s Tommy Vietor on Pod Save America today, unable to hold in his laughter.

Tommy reached out to the “imposter” Bill DeBlasio with some questions via email, and here’s what he wrote back. The interview has been slightly edited for clarity — and yes, DeBlasio’s caps lock key seemed to have been stuck.

Tommy Vietor: Who is Bill DeBlasio voting for?

Bill DeBlasio: UNFORTUNATELY I LIVE OUTSIDE NYC SO I CANNOT VOTE IN THIS ELECTION

Tommy: Does he think Cuomo would be a good mayor?

Bill: YES. OUT OF ALL THE CANDIDATES HE’S THE ONLY ONE WITH EXPERIENCE IN THE MOSH PIT. LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM HE KNOWS HOW IT ALL WORKS AND WOULD HIT THE GROUND RUNNING. MAMDANI WOULD NEED A DECADE TO GET HIS PLANS DONE, IF THAT

Tommy: Republican NYC mayoral candidate Curtis Silwa says “glazing” a lot. Is that funny or a try-hard move?

Bill: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE CURTIS SLIWA, BUT NOT AS THE MAYOR. IT’S DEFINITELY FUNNY. BUT HIS REFUSAL TO CONCEDE TO CUOMO SPLITS THE VOTE AND PRETTY MUCH HANDS THE ELECTION TO MAMDANI.

Tommy: Did Bill DeBlasio ever accept an upgrade on a Turkish Airlines flight? If yes, how was the seat and did he watch a movie? (Note: Current NYC Mayor Eric Adams has been up to his eyeballs in a scandal linked to the Turkish government.)

Bill: I’VE NEVER BEEN ON TURKISH AIRLINES. I AM ALMOST SURE MAYOR DE BLASIO WATCHED A BUGS BUNNY CARTOON. PERSONALLY I WOULD SURELY ENJOY A GOOD TURKISH BATH. YOU HAVE ANY CONNECTIONS? I WILL SAY IM OPEN TO FREE SEATS AND UPGRADES ON ANY AIRLINE I HAPPEN TO BE TRAVELING ON. THERE HAS TO BE A TURKISH PRISON JOKE IN THERE SOMEWHERE, NO?

Tommy: What is more annoying, Bill Ackman’s tweets or skyrocketing rent prices in NYC?

Bill: BILL ACKMAN THE BILLIONAIRE? I LOVE ADVICE AND COMMENTARY FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE SO OUT OF THE LOOP. RENT IS INSANE BUT AS LONG AS PEOPLE KEEP PAYING IT WILL NEVER COME DOWN.

YOU GOTTA HAVE BETTER QUESTIONS THAN THAT, NO?

WHAT ELSE?

U.N. human rights chief Volker Türk called for an investigation into the U.S. strikes on alleged drug boats in the Caribbean, calling them “unacceptable.” This comes a day after the Pentagon reportedly told lawmakers that it doesn’t “need to positively identify individuals on the vessel to do the strikes.” What! The U.S. has seemingly killed dozens of people without knowing who they were.

The Department of Justice is probing whether leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement defrauded donors who contributed millions of dollars, according to the Associated Press. It’s unclear whether there will be criminal charges, but the probe comes as the Trump administration targets left-leaning groups opposed to his agenda.

The FBI fired a special agent who helped oversee an investigation into Donald Trump’s attempt to overturn the 2020 election, CNN reports. It’s the latest in the president’s apparent retribution tour, which is facing pushback: Three former FBI agents who were fired in August are suing the Trump administration, alleging that their firings were politically motivated.

Do you disagree with Trump’s policies? It might become harder for you to secure loan forgiveness, according to new regulations. Starting next summer, Education Secretary Linda McMahon will be able to disqualify nonprofit organizations that work with undocumented immigrants, engage in protests, or provide gender transition care for minors from being eligible for Public Service Loan Forgiveness. That’s fucked up!

Ticket sales at the Kennedy Center are the worst they’ve been in years, after Trump forcefully took over the famed performing arts center in Washington, D.C. Only 57 percent of tickets were sold or given away for shows, compared to 93 percent last fall.

An autonomous Waymo car ran over a beloved bodega cat in San Francisco this week… and then tech freak Elon Musk managed to make everyone feel even worse with his callous reaction online. “Many pets will be saved by autonomy,” he insisted. I dunno, between Tesla robotaxis and DHS Secretary Kristi Noem running around locked and loaded, America’s pets might be in trouble.

Relatedly, Musk’s SpaceX company is expected to win a $2 billion deal from the Pentagon to build satellites for Trump’s ambitious (and arguably delusional) Golden Dome missile defense project. Let me guess, Elon… will many humans be saved by autonomy, too?

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE EMAIL…

The Trump administration is “required” to distribute SNAP funds, formerly known as food stamps, that some 42 million Americans rely on to buy groceries, a federal judge ruled today. That’s great news, but the emergency funds still won’t be enough to fund the whole program.

Instacart, DoorDash and other food delivery companies are offering grocery discounts to SNAP recipients, delivering free meals to food banks, and waiving delivery fees to help those who lose federal food assistance tomorrow.

NASA’s acting chief Sean Duffy took a shot at Kim Kardashian, who recently claimed that the moon landings were staged. “Yes, we’ve been to the Moon before … six times!” Duffy tweeted. Change your tune, Kim! You could be next in line for the Apollo Jeff Bezos II trip.

“Beetlejuice” fans are flocking to the small Vermont town where the beloved movie was filmed. Only one local was cast in the film, resident Sarah Polli’s uncle: “He was supposed to be the barber, but he kept ad-libbing, which frustrated Tim Burton,” Polli said. “So, he gave him a nonspeaking part basically and he became Ernie dusting off the statues in front of the library.”

A $10 million solid gold toilet will be auctioned off in New York next month. Its title: “America.” Really makes you think…

An Ecuadoran man is going viral for quitting his day job to pick up trash on the side of the road in Los Angeles. With tens of thousands of followers on social media, he created a nonprofit to raise money and recruit volunteers for the clean-up project. “I’m so happy I’m doing it. I do want to make a change,” he said.

When Pop star Billie Eilish embarks on her massive worldwide tours, environmental impact is top of mind. “A catering consultant provides plant-based food at each stop on tour,” the Wall Street Journal writes. “Eilish also uses biodegradable confetti at her concerts, encourages fans to bring in their own water bottles and makes merchandise from recycled cotton. At some shows, entire venues have honored her request to serve only plant-based food.”

As if Billie couldn’t be more iconic, she also called on billionaires to give away more money to people in need: “If you’re a billionaire, why are you a billionaire?” I guess she’s not the Bad Guy anymore!

Here’s Winston, better known as @winstontheminiaturedood on Instagram, giving his best Bob Ross impression. Send your best pet costumes to [email protected] — we may feature them in later editions!