10/28/2025
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Trump Asks Elon If He Can Come Up With A Way To Supply 1.21 Gigawatts Of
Power To A DeLorean
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Donald Trump broached the
subject of scientific collaboration this week with Tesla Founder and CEO Elon
Musk, asking if he could come up with a way to supply precisely 1.21 gigawatts
of power to a DeLorean. Trump and Musk recently patched things up following a
months-long public feud, […]
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Dad Excited To Show Family Horrifyingly Violent Movie From 1970s That Has The
Same Rating As ‘Toy Story 3’
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TULSA, OK — Local dad William Madsen announced he was excited to show his kids
some of the horror and action movies he loved from the 1970s, which must be ok
because they’re rated the same as those Toy Story movies. “I think we’re gonna
watch The Omega Man tonight, followed by maybe Indiana Jones […]
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Dad Accepted Into Ninja School After Leaping Under Garage Door As It’s Closing
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COLUMBUS, OH — Local dad Tripp Cashton was elated to receive his acceptance to
Ninja School after nailing the feat of leaping under a garage door just as it
closed. According to Cashton, he didn’t expect his performance to merit
acceptance into a prestigious institution like Ninja School, but he’s excited
to make the most […]
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Trump Ends Biden Policy Taking Children to Other States for Abortions
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President Donald Trump and his administration are undoing a Biden-era
immigration provision that would have facilitated abortions for children. The
Daily Signal reported that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
(HHS) is terminating rules and programs that violate the Hyde Amendment, which
prohibits the use of federal taxpayer dollars for abortions. The move includes
ending […]
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America’s Obesity Crisis Solved As EBT Benefits Run Out
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U.S. — The American Medial Association announced the long battle with American
obesity had finally come to an end thanks to EBT benefits running out amidst
the ongoing government shut down. “The government being shut down is the best
thing that could ever have happened to the health of the American people,” said
Dr. Anton […]
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