BORED PATROL

A judge warned the leader of Trump’s agents in Chicago not to use too much force on protestors — or drop tear gas near trick-or-treating kids.

• The running clash between Chicago locals and the agents running the Trump administration’s military-style crackdown landed in court once again today, where a federal judge delivered a stern lecture on the right to protest in a democratic society. Federal agents have been accused of staging violent detentions and firing tear gas indiscriminately — including near children who were dressed up in Halloween costumes.

• Border Patrol commander Gregory Bovino appeared to face the music in court this morning wearing his green uniform, days after being caught on camera throwing a canister of tear gas into a crowd of protestors. Bovino says he was hit in the head by a rock before throwing the canister, a claim that protestors deny.

• District Judge Sara Ellis warned that officials’ actions appeared to violate her order against using chemical munitions against demonstrators or reporters unless they pose some kind of threat. She zeroed in on the incident when tear gas reportedly wafted close to a group of kids.

• “Those kids were tear gassed on their way to celebrate Halloween in their local school parking lot,” Judge Ellis told Bovino. “These kids, you can imagine, their sense of safety was shattered ... and it’s gonna take a long time for that to come back, if ever.”

• Judge Ellis added that she didn’t want to see such aggressive tactics used during the peak trick-or-treating time this weekend. “Halloween is on Friday,” she warned. “I do not want to get violation reports from the plaintiffs that show that agents are out and about on Halloween, where kids are present and tear gas is being deployed.”

Judge Ellis demanded Bovino appear every evening for the next few days to explain what his agents have been up to.

• Bovino agreed to keep showing up in court. But he didn’t seem happy about it, or to feel that his group’s reaction was overdone — pointing to the incident when, he claims, he was hit in the head with a thrown projectile. “Did Judge Ellis get hit in the head by a rock like I did this morning?” Bovino said ahead of the hearing, according to a court filing. “Maybe she needs to see what that’s like before she gives an order like that.”

• The commander struck a more diplomatic tone during the hour-long appearance, according to reporters in the courtroom. Ellis questioned Bovino about Customs and Border Patrol agents’ tactics in Chicago, including their use of body cams. Turns out, even he doesn’t wear one! “The camera is your friend,” Ellis said, ordering him to obtain one by Friday. He agreed, and added that her warnings were clear. “I understand what you’re saying, your honor,” Bovino said. “We’re on the same page.”

• Bovino’s appearance highlights a problem for the Trump administration: Federal agents must comply with judges’ orders — but Trump officials demand that leaders ramp up deportations. What’s more, some ICE leaders are reportedly frustrated with Border Patrol agents for their heavy-handed tactics. “We’re arresting criminals, while they are going to Home Depots and car washes,” one U.S. official told CBS News, referring to Border Patrol.

Will President Donald Trump’s top immigration commanders be able to appease the court, while also enacting his radical agenda? That’s to be seen.

WHAT ELSE?

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ordered “powerful” strikes in the Gaza Strip, threatening the nation’s fragile ceasefire with Hamas. Under the agreement, Hamas agreed to return Israeli hostage remains as soon as possible. Israeli leaders have accused the group of not fulfilling its promise.

The U.S. launched multiple strikes on boats off the coast of Colombia, killing 14 people, according to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. He accused the boats of carrying drugs, but the Trump administration hasn’t provided any evidence in its recent deadly strikes against vessels in South America.

Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi used flattery and gifts to position herself to be Donald Trump’s top ally in Asia. She signed a rare earths minerals deal with Trump, gifted him a putter that belonged to former PM Shinzo Abe, and said that she’d nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s not surprising that they’re two peas in a pod: Takaichi is a “Japan First” nationalist. “Anytime you have any question, any doubt, anything you want, any favors you need, anything I can do to help Japan, we will be there,” Trump told her today. I wonder if Democrats could just give him a golf club and call him handsome, and maybe he’d chill out here at home, too?

Trump’s lawyers asked a New York appeals court to overturn his criminal conviction tied to the hush money case. His team recycled arguments it has used before, saying that the case should be thrown out because Trump has presidential immunity. This is further proof that Trump is absolutely obsessed with how his obituaries are written, lol.

The GOP-led House Oversight Committee released a report questioning former President Joe Biden’s cognitive ability while in office. Some of his actions were “illegitimate,” according to the report, which urged the Department of Justice to open a new investigation into Biden’s use of an autopen to sign executive orders. Reminder: Presidents are allowed to use autopens.

Hurricane Melissa made landfall in Jamaica today, and has already had a “catastrophic effect,” Matthew Samuda, the country’s climate change minister, told CNN. Regions across the entire island have been “inundated with floods,” he said, as the Category 5 storm barrelled into the nation with 160 mile per hour winds.

Amazon is planning to fire 14,000 people from corporate roles, nodding to the rise of artificial intelligence, which can enable “companies to innovate much faster than ever before.” So… yup, it’s time to start officially worrying about AI replacing jobs, I guess!

Tech freak Elon Musk launched a rival to Wikipedia, which he has denounced as being too biased. He named this alternative site… Grokipedia, and it’s already a right-wing hellscape written entirely by AI. One example: The site described Musk’s “public persona blends innovative visionary with irreverent provocateur” and fails to mention his infamous Nazi salute. Shocker! (Shoutout to the person in Crooked Media’s Slack who dubbed this effort “Dorkepedia.”)

The statue of a Confederate general that was knocked down and torched by protestors in Washington, D.C. in 2020 is back up. The move “aligns with federal responsibilities under historic preservation law as well as recent executive orders to beautify the nation’s capital and reinstate preexisting statues,” a National Park Service spokesperson said over the summer. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder….

Governments are falling waaaay short of plans to curb planet-warming pollution, which they agreed upon in Paris a decade ago, according to a United Nations report. Gee, I wonder if there was a certain politician who rose to power at the same time and has repeatedly taken a sledgehammer to any climate progress???

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE EMAIL…

Twenty-three Democratic states sued the Agriculture Department today, in an effort to force the federal government to release contingency funds to feed vulnerable Americans. The Trump administration is claiming that, starting this weekend, it will no longer be able to fund the SNAP program, which some 42 million people rely on each month, due to the shutdown.

House Speaker Mike Johnson said he doesn’t “see the path” for Donald Trump to seek a third term, after speaking with the president. “It’s been a great run, but I think the president knows, and he and I’ve talked about the constrictions of the Constitution,” Johnson told reporters. I don’t believe anything this guy says… but fingers crossed!

Adrenaline junkies are taking advantage of the government shutdown by jumping off Yosemite’s legendary cliffs with parachutes. Known as BASE jumping, the daredevil activity is prohibited in all national parks… but who’s gonna stop them now? As long as everyone’s being safe, whatever!

MAGA singles face rocky dating prospects in Washington, D.C. a town where 92 percent voted for former Vice President Kamala Harris. But some MAGA ladies say even their own conservative menfolk aren’t making it over the bar in the nation’s capital. “Not fit, workaholics, and not taking finding a wife seriously,” one young conservative woman said. I have an idea for you: Switch parties!