DEPT. OF JUST US

Donald Trump is out to shake down his own government for a quarter-billion dollars. Even he admits the whole thing looks terrible.

• President Donald Trump seems especially worried lately about how he’ll be remembered when he’s gone. “I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to get me into heaven,” he recently told reporters. Some may dismiss such comments as the idle ruminations of an elderly, senile, mentally unstable man. But in private, Trump reportedly has a very real “obsession” with his inevitable obituaries — and with the fact that there’s nothing he can do to stop them all from mentioning his 34 felony counts, presumably near the top.

• Well… almost nothing. He can always try to settle the score before he goes, no matter how corrupt those efforts make him look. The latest example: He is demanding that the Department of Justice, which is now under his control, cough up $230 million for bringing cases against him, according to the New York Times.

• Trump is reportedly using an administrative claim process to seek supposed damages for the Russia investigation and FBI search of his Mar-a-Lago property. Both claims were filed in 2023 and 2024, before he reentered the White House. But now, the guy who might officially get to settle this matter is — wait for it! — Trump’s former defense attorney, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche.

• “It’s awfully strange to make a decision where I’m paying myself,” Trump acknowledged to reporters after the story broke, though claiming that he’d donate any money he receives to charity. “It’s interesting because I’m the one that makes a decision. And, you know, that decision would have to go across my desk.”

• Trump seemed to hint at this remarkably bizarre scenario earlier this week, before anyone knew what the hell he was talking about. “It sort of looks bad. I’m suing myself,” Trump told reporters last week. “I’ll say, ‘Give me X dollars,’ and I don’t know what to do with the lawsuit.”

This unheard-of maneuver amounts to an impeachable offense, a top House Democrat exclusively told What A Day.

• No president has ever directly sought a multi-million dollar payout from his own government. But taking the money could also be a constitutional issue: The only compensation that the president is only allowed to receive is his salary, according to Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD), the ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee who served as the lead impeachment manager for Trump’s second impeachment.

• “He clearly wants to shake down the government for whatever he can get,” Raskin, who has launched an investigation into the matter, told What A Day. “It’s an obvious conflict of interest, everybody can see that. But it’s also unconstitutional. It’s doing precisely what the framers didn’t want the president to be able to do, which is to rip off the government by using his official position.”

• Is this an impeachable offense? “Yes, it is,” Raskin said. “The taking of money illegally from the federal government, and the taking of money illegally from foreign states, are classic impeachable offenses because they are an offense against the public interest and naked betrayal of the basic values of the Constitution. It’s hard to contemplate a more essential high crime or misdemeanor than this one.”

• Trump may get his money. But maybe not the free lunch he wants — at least, not when it comes to generating those upbeat obituaries he seems to have his eye on.

• “It’s just such a wonderful example for any dispassionate person to understand the venality and the corruption that is going on,” Andrew Weissmann, who led the DOJ’s fraud section in the Obama administration, told Alex Wagner on the debut episode of Crooked’s newest podcast, Runaway Country, airing tomorrow.

Do you think raiding the government’s coffers will be mentioned in Trump’s obituary before or after the felony counts? It could go either way!

WHAT ELSE?

Nearly two-thirds of Americans believe the United States is on the wrong track on major issues, including the economy, the federal government’s functioning, and relations with other countries, according to a new poll. Getting kinda tired of winning, huh gang?

Millions of Americans are seeing their health insurance costs rise for next year as Republicans refuse to extend healthcare subsidies. It’s Day 22 of the government shutdown, and Donald Trump said he won’t meet with Democrats until they reopen things… so we might be stuck like this for a while.

The U.S. struck another boat allegedly carrying drugs, this time off the coast of Colombia in the Pacific Ocean. The strike, which reportedly killed two or three people, marks the eighth time the Trump administration has targeted alleged drug smugglers — without providing evidence. “Even if they were in fact carrying drugs, the procedure is to capture them, to seize them, to arrest them and to find information about who was behind them, and not blowing them up,” Colombian Ambassador to the U.S. Daniel García-Peña told Democracy Now!

The U.S. and Israel are considering a plan that would split the Gaza Strip in two, the Wall Street Journal reports. One side would be developed and controlled by Israel… while the other side would remain in ruins under Hamas control, until the group disarms and is removed from power. Arab mediators reportedly aren’t happy with the plan, worrying that it could lead to permanent Israeli control of half of the territory.

Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner, the progressive hopeful who’s under fire for having a Nazi-linked tattoo on his chest, altered the skull-and-crossbones design to resemble a Celtic knot. Platner has claimed that he didn’t know the symbol’s history until recently, but an ex-aide said that “he has been aware of its meaning for years.”

A group of tech experts, including two men known as “godfathers of artificial intelligence,” warned companies not to pursue superintelligence — the hypothetical advanced technology that would be smarter than humans and, possibly, a threat to humanity. The warning seems unlikely to be heeded in the United States, where lawmakers have refused to put many guardrails on the tech. At least we can generate silly memes and make AI do our homework! Totally worth it!

On that note, a Republican candidate in Virginia’s lieutenant governor race debated an AI-generated version of his Democratic opponent after she refused to participate. “This is where we are right now, like it or not,” one political strategist said. “Unless there are norms and rules that emerge in terms of the use of AI, you’re likely to see it used in much more sophisticated ways in 2026. So, welcome to the future.” Um… “sophisticated?” Maybe. I’m searching for a word between “unnerving” and “hilarious,” perhaps?

Light at the End of the Email…

Most Americans support the recognition of Palestinian statehood, according to a new poll. That includes 80 percent of Democrats and 41 percent of Republicans, signaling a major shift in how Americans view Washington’s relationship with Israel, which opposes a two-state solution. Let your lawmakers know you care about this!!!

Paul Ingrassia, Trump’s pick to lead the Office of the Special Counsel, withdrew his nomination after leaked text messages showed him saying that he has a “Nazi streak.” As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, the 30-year-old’s mother tried to help her son by showing up at lawmakers’ offices unannounced. Awwww, momma’s boy!

Uber is planning to offer $4,000 grants to some drivers in New York City, California, Colorado and Massachusetts to buy electric vehicles, as part of the company’s goal to only have zero-emissions vehicles by 2030. It comes after the Trump administration allowed federal grants toward EVs to expire in September.

The Louvre reopened today, three days after thieves stole France’s Crown Jewels. The Muppets are still being awfully quiet…

For humans, it’s spooky season. For elephants, it’s soccer season, apparently. A baby elephant was seen adorably kicking around a pumpkin at its zoo in Portland, Oregon, while her bigger family members smashed gourds with their feet and shoved the remnants into their mouths. If they think that’s tasty, they gotta try pumpkin pie.

Eric Lu, a 27-year-old from Massachusetts, won a competition that’s basically the Olympics for classical piano. It’s the first time an American has won since 1970. Congratulations, Eric! Can I request the “Peanuts” Halloween soundtrack next?