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Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) and Boston Mayor Michelle Wu during an Aug. 15, 2024, campaign appearance in Boston. (Uncredited / Facebook photo [ [link removed] ].)
Cliff’s Note: This guest column originally appeared [ [link removed] ] at “The Fucking News,” the Substack of journalist Jonathan Larsen, Be prepared, there’ll be “Fucks” in this piece, as it’s written in a satirical style I fully endorse, and think is sorely needed right now. Larsen’s a veteran of ABC, CNN and MSNBC, where he served as exec producer of Up with Chris Hayes.
Thirty-five states and cities just told Attorney General Pam Bondi to fuck off and to do it all the way. Last week, Bondi wrote to them ordering them to start helping Pres. Donald Trump’s hunt for immigrants including by dropping so-called sanctuary laws prohibiting such help.
Responses to Bondi obtained by Politico show Democratic leaders telling Bondi she can stick her demands up her sanctuary for poop.
Bondi claimed falsely that U.S. law requires states and municipalities to do whatever executive branch officials tell them to do, including task police and other law enforcement to help out with Trump’s bullshit immigrant hunt.
Bondi threatened retribution — including prosecution and less funding for everything except federal forces in the streets — against states that don’t comply.
The 35 responses Politico obtained ranged in tone from “fuck off” to “kindly fuck off pursuant to relevant statute.”
Bondi had given a deadline of Tuesday for state and local leaders to respond and Politico reported on their substance on Wednesday.
Here’s how Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN), the former vice presidential candidate, politely closes his letter informing Bondi that off is how she can fuck:
That the federal government would insist that Minnesota should divert state resources to do the federal government's job or help effectuate some kind of misguided political agenda is fundamentally inconsistent with our founding principles as a nation.
I firmly believe that securing our border does not mean we sacrifice our constitutional values; I urge you to join me in rejecting that false choice.
Befitting a college town, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu got all academic on Bondi’s ass in her own letter [ [link removed] ]. Wu tried teaching the nation’s top law-enforcement officer about laws. And history:
The City of Boston follows the law — local, state, and federal. The United States Constitution establishes that local governments, closest to the people, hold the authority to enact public safety policies without the threat of unlawful interference from the federal government.
The Founding Fathers included these protections as a direct result of the attempted coercion of Boston by an unaccountable and distant monarch, and this city's refusal to bow down to tyranny.
And in case remote learning of American history wasn’t enough, Wu took Bondi to school:
This federal administration's false and continuous attacks on American cities and millions of our residents are unprecedented. You have eliminated health care and food assistance for our families; unlawfully cancelled grants for our schools and roads; slashed funding for our universities, hospitals, and research institutions; and deployed military personnel to occupy our streets.
These attacks all come back to a common aim: the Trump Administration seeks to divide, isolate, and intimidate our cities, and make Americans fearful of one another.
The Democratic leaders who advised Bondi on her off-fucking options include Govs. Bob Ferguson (D-WA), Kathy Hochul (D-NY), Tina Kotek (D-OR), Gavin Newsom (D-CA), and JB Pritzker (D-IL), and Mayors Eric Adams (New York City), Ravi Bhalla (Hoboken), Malik D. Evans (Rochester, NY), Bruce Harrell (Seattle) and Mike Johnston (Denver).
Since cities and states don’t get to make immigration policy, forcing them to fund it with taxpayer dollars would be weirdly similar to taxation without representation. Which, history tells us, is capable of inspiring revolution.
Of course, it’s not just the legal and constitutional principles at work here. There are reasons cities and states don’t maximize every opportunity to go after undocumented immigrants. For one thing, there might simply be better things for cops to do: Like pursue actual criminals in the hope that Trump won’t pardon them or cover up their crimes like he did with Jeffrey Epstein.
Also, turning cops into immigration stormtroopers hurts communities. Not just by tearing apart the law-abiding fabric of those communities, aka humans, but also by sowing fear of law enforcement, discouraging cooperation on crimefighting that actually affects peace and safety.
In other words, officials cooperating with Trump are shredding their communities and helping actual criminals (mostly citizens!) evade detection.
Bondi herself appears to be committing legal no-nos, albeit not as dire as her felonious boss’s record.
Interestingly, it was two cities that put Bondi on notice about a possible ethics violation on top of her mountain of ethics violations. Hoboken, NJ, and Rochester, NY, told Bondi that because she’s already suing their mayors it was unethical for her to communicate directly with those mayors and not with their counsel, without counsel’s permission.
Bhalla of Hoboken literally responded, “I am requesting that you immediately cease and desist all direct communication with me” on this issue.
Hilariously, the overworked and newly dumb Justice Department said that because “every letter was addressed to the legal representative of the official responsible for these dangerous sanctuary policies, there is no basis for any complaint.”
The letters were actually cc’ed to counsel, but the Justice Department misses the entire point: They didn’t seek counsel’s permission to communicate directly with the local leaders they’re suing. So this may end up before some unlucky bar association somewhere…
…Just like Bondi’s attempt to enforce Trump’s unconstitutional commandeering of state and local resources is gonna land her in court. Where she doesn’t have enough good lawyers [ [link removed] ] to defend her.
And it’s not just unethics, it’s ineptitude. Reportedly, Bondi has named sanctuaries that don’t even have sanctuary laws. In some cases, frantically revising her lists after her fuck-ups were fact-fucked.
And remember, members of Congress, no matter what party, are supposed to represent their constituents in these areas. Upholding the Constitution as they vowed to do includes guarding the checks-and-balances autonomy of states and cities.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!…
Putin Adds Vicious Noogie-ing to Recent Trump Swirly
Not done humiliating Pres. Donald Trump by publicly urinating on everything Trump proudly announced after his Ukraine summits on Friday and Monday, Russia yesterday took away all of Trump’s participation trophies and refused to give them back.
Specifically, Russian Pres. Vladimir Putin is not only saying no to a face-to-face sit-down with Ukrainian Pres. Volodymyr Zelenskyy, he’s now pooping on those security guarantees that Trump thought Putin was gonna let him give Ukraine.
“It’s been explicitly stated: NO NATO troops as peacekeepers. Russia won’t accept such a ‘security guarantee’,” former Russian president Dmitry Medvedev wrote. Also, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said Russia wants veto power over any measures Trump and Europe come up with for Ukraine’s future defense against Russia’s future offense.
Historians may recall that the Trump administration defended his Friday summit with Putin — despite not getting a ceasefire first — because it was important to find out what Putin wants. And yet, despite supposedly finding that out at the summit, Russia’s still fucking around, meaning Trump has now achieved the first recorded reversal of the traditional process of fucking around and then finding out.
Trump is now expected to threaten sanctions and maybe give Putin two weeks to clarify what he wants.
FLASHBACK So, um, what the zorching fuck did Trump and Putin even talk about on Friday? Jeffrey Epstein?
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