It started, as it so often does these days, with Big Balls.
Over the weekend, the 19-year-old DOGE staffer was hanging out in Dupont Circle at around 3:00am. As he stood outside of his vehicle, a group of teenagers approached him in an apparent carjacking effort. Big Balls, never one to live down his name, put up a fight.
Ultimately, two 15-year-olds were arrested and Big Balls, it seems, was pretty bruised.
Trump, of course, couldn’t let this political opportunity slide.
On Truth Social, the president posted a photo of a bloodied Big Balls — also known as Edward Coristine — ranting, “Perhaps it should have been done a long time ago, then this incredible young man, and so many others, would not have had to go through the horrors of Violent Crime. If this continues, I am going to exert my powers, and FEDERALIZE this City.”
Trump stayed true to his word...
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