Trump & Demented Peeping Tom Pals Peek in Your Bedroom

BLUE LETTER

In This Letter!

😁 David Shuster’s Great video

👊 My Column

🥃 NYT Pitchbot’s Hilarious Pitches

Cliff’s Note: Next week we’ll try splitting this into two Wednesday letters, as some of you have told me this one’s too long. You’ll get my column + some Pitchbot. And you’ll get a separate email w/ David’s video + some pitchbot. We’re doing all we can to make your experience the best possible! We’ll send out a survey to that end, likely Friday

Bakeries cannot be forced to sell cakes to gay couples. But farmers
market vendors can be forced to sell pierogis to pedophiles. by Samuel
Alito, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, John Roberts, and Clarence
Thomas

DAVID SHUSTER VIDEO, EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU!

WATCH as David Shuster’s video shows us J.D. Vance in all his glory—supposedly defending Trump, yet ensuring the Epstein story keeps going!—and also proving Trump’s brain is…mush.

Cliff’s Note: Trump & MAGA Believe in the Sanctity of Their Marriage! And Their 2nd. And 3rd…

Remember Kim Davis!? The Kentucky Fried corn hole who became a right-wing folk hero a decade ago for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. Because God told her she could ignore the Supreme Court.

God sure does work in mysterious ways. And by mysterious, I mean, maybe she/he should cast a wider net when choosing who to chat with.

This time, Kimmy is trying to drag her super-duper crusade against gay couples all the way to our Opus Dei Court! Where upside-down-flag Alito and the rest of the robed Republican thugs will likely try to rip away the rights of millions of LGBTQ Americans.

Trump, of course, has had zero to say about it, and that’ll likely stay the same, unless a bribery angle presents itself. Or he can impose a tariff on it. Then TACO.

Because, remember, there is nothing—nuuuuuthing—as important as the sanctity of their marriage (ok, at least tied with sending in troops to try to get people to forget you’re Donald Trump and you’re in the Epstein Files!)

And whoa, does Kim-Kim know a thing or two about marriage! In fact, if we accept that one gains experience through the practice of an activity over and over again, Kim Davis is nothing short of the LeBron James or Tom Brady of marriage.

You see, Davis, who again is very concerned about the sanctity of marriage, has been married not once, not twice, not three times—but four times! It’s like she gets new husbands every time she calls out “bingo!” at the local Rowan County, KY rec center.

Seriously, I was unaware one could turn getting married into a hobby.

But it gets better, as it always does with these masters of projection. Who pilot the bombardier of justice right through the cumulus clouds to drop into the lives of others, while turning their own into an East Palestine, OH style train wreck.

So ya see, Kim conceived twins with Husband #3 while she was still married to Husband #1. (Side note: what was Husband #2 doing during all this? Listening in next door and getting it all wrong like he was Chrissy from Three’s Company?).

But this is ok when like Kim, you possess the silken image of class, kindness and an old world charm that bedevils the rest of us.

And this paragon of virtue has a lot in common with the perpetually moral Republican Party! Take Donald Trump, ya know, the guy who speaks circular thought these days.

He had five kids with three wives, publicly convinced a newspaper to put on its cover that his mistress, who’d become Wife #2, thought it was the “best sex ever.” One moment, please, while I throw up everything I’ve eaten and not eaten the past 4 days.

Ok, back to our story. Later, Trump cheated on Wife #3, a nude model, with a porn star—all while his newborn son was just a few months old.

How truly sanctity-like!

Or how about Newt Gingrich, former GOP Speaker of the House and Trump Clown 1.0, who’s had three wives. He served one divorce papers while she was in a hospital bed battling cancer, cheated on another with a staffer while impeaching Bill Clinton for…cheating on his wife.

Sanctity of marriage, baby!

And how about Rudy Giuliani? No, we’re not talking about that crap dripping down his face. Or his audible farts that made it sound like Louis Armstrong was on trumpet to provide theme music while he was testifying—or shall we say falsifying?—election claims in Michigan.

Rudy’s also had three wives, the second of which he divorced by announcing it on live television—without telling her! As one does. And his first wife was his cousin.

Sanctity-Level 5 Unlocked!

But wait—there’s more. This is the same crowd that shouts about imaginary “Democratic pedophile cabals” while covering for their own predators. The longest serving Republican House Speaker, Denny Hastert, went to prison for fondling teenage boys.

And then there’s the one Trump’s trying to distract his way out of, the Epstein files—btw, I haven’t said it yet today: Release The Epstein Files! We know he appears in them prominently, he’s an adjudicated rapist, was accused of rape by a 13-yr old and sexual assault by another 25 or so women.

How sanctity-ish!

The same politicians pushing child marriage laws in Republican-led states. The same states and localities in our fine nation that don’t vote Democratic, yet one can find a giant Lion’s Den adult superstores right next to a huge cross (like when I was driving through Indiana to get from Chicago to Cincy on Monday).

Which, btw, is totally the best metaphor for Kim Davis: an Adult Superstore next to a cross.

Finally, how can we forget the gay Republicans who voted for the tyrant Trump, swearing he’d never go after marriage equality. Welcome to the FAFO Club, kids! You get to join Muslim Republicans in Michigan and Latinos for Trump like the “Trump burger” guy in Texas who just knew Trump would only deport the “criminals” but is probably being taken to El Salvador by Dean Cain right now.

Turns out, he wasn’t going to be your retribution. He was always ever going to be retribution against you.

So enough of the GD right-wing sanctimony and self-loathing that present themselves as life’s losers who just can’t leave the rest of us alone. Utterly exhausting.

I don’t want to know the gross story of your four marriages, Kim. You, and the phlegmatic, ideologically geriatric, colony of agra beetles with whom you surround yourself. Want me to believe in God? Fine.

How about you all just f*king disappear? DONE.

Live your lives of dung-heaped, dope-saturated pretense, of non-stop failure and futility, somewhere…anywhere the rest of us who developed along the lines projected for normal homo sapiens need not be cursed with the knowledge you exist.

But you won’t, so we’ll fight your attacks on our friends who love each other without apology. You know, those who don’t need religion to render their love valid because they’re busy shacking up with any warm body they happen to trip over.

NIH scientists say that mRNA vaccines have saved untold thousands of
lives. A heroin addled nepo baby whose brain was partially eaten by a
worm says mRNA vaccines are worthless and even dangerous. For busy
medical patients, it can be hard to know who to trust.

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