Friend,
We took a lickin'. We didn't meet our Q2 fundraising goal. However, I've got to turn my poor fate into good fortune. I've decided to extend my fundraising deadline for the next hour and MATCH EVERY DONATION! Donate NOW! The fact is, the Socialist Democrats have their panties in a wad about me. They'll be jumping for joy if they see we didn't meet our goal. That's why I need your help now. Will you chip in to make sure I have the means to beat these Left-Wing Extremists?
Will you lend me a hand in this time of need?
God Bless,
Senator John Kennedy
Folks, our country was founded by geniuses but it's being run by idiots. And if you trust the government, well then you obviously failed history class.
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