BY MATT BERG & CROOKED MEDIA
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There are other people that want pierogis.”
— A crowd member shouting at Alan Dershowitz, who complained today, once again, about not being sold a pierogi at the Martha’s Vineyard farmers market.
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AIRPLANE!: THE DOCUMENTARY
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Trump’s top civil aviation official denounced DOGE’s cost-cutting mission, and said his agency needs to be built up instead, according to exclusive reporting by What A Day. It’s a fresh sign of just how unpopular DOGE has become.
- Critics have long warned that DOGE, the federal cost-cutting operation established by gazillionaire Elon Musk, was doing far more harm than good. Sure, the government should be more efficient. But DOGE’s cuts were so deep, so haphazard, and so non-transparent that they prompted concerns about safety — in particular, that the basics of American life could become more dangerous because DOGE fired too many of the people who normally watch over them.
- Today, a top Trump official joined the chorus of DOGE critics — at least, from behind closed doors. That would be Federal Aviation Administration chief Bryan Bedford, who told staffers during a private town hall that DOGE’s cuts are the last thing his agency needs as it scrambles to improve airline safety.
- “I’m not here to DOGE the FAA, okay? That is not my gig. That’s not what the president asked me to do,” Bedford said in the meeting, which What A Day attended. “The president asked to fix it. Whatever resources you need, let's get it fixed. Let's fix it right? Let's build a new system. Spare no expense.”
- Instead, Bedford listed DOGE among the many challenges facing the agency, along with “equipment struggles” and “reliability problems.” He continued: “It’s a very unsettling time, when we actually need to be more focused than ever about carrying out our mission.”
Bedford promised that there won’t be a “willy-nilly” reorganization of the agency — even as he lobbies other Trump officials who may want to keep cutting.
- The FAA is planning to overhaul decades-old equipment that’s often blamed for airplane communication issues and malfunctions. Trump’s “big, beautiful bill” sets aside $12.5 billion for that effort, which aviation workers say is not nearly enough. Tomorrow, Bedford said he’s meeting with Office of Management and Budget chief Russ Vought to talk numbers.
- “Everybody’s told me he’s a really scary guy,” Bedford said. “But look, the facts, I think, are on our side here.” Vought has been leading the charge to cement DOGE’s cuts to the federal government… so this meeting could be pretty tense. That’s not to mention Vought is, in fact, an intimidating dude: He’s a Project 2025 architect, has been described as a “bull in a china shop,” and is one of MAGA’s most influential figures.
- The system needs a complete overhaul, and that’s the message he plans to deliver to Vought: “I think every job is important and necessary,” Bedford said. “I just want to make it clear that I’m not going to cut costs or reduce the staff.” The FAA didn’t respond to What A Day’s request for comment.
One participant asked the chief: Can we stop DOGE’s infamous “five things” email? “We can stop that, yes, for sure,” Bedford replied, echoing the White House’s new policy. “I wasn’t reading them anyways.”
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WHAT A SPONSOR
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Donald Trump is planning to hang out next week with his old bestie, Vladimir Putin, for the first time in four years. The play-date comes at a moment when Trump keeps demanding that Putin end his war in Ukraine, and Putin pays absolutely no attention. Trump, strangely, doubled tariffs on India to punish the country for buying Russian oil. I guess those penguins were already tariffed enough?
On that note, Noem also announced that DHS is opening the “Speedway Slammer” detention facility in Indiana. Along with “Alligator Alcatraz,” I really hate that this administration seems to be naming inhumane, opaque prisons as if they’re on the cocktail menu at Chili’s.
Why did Trump post a picture of a bloodied, shirtless 19-year-old on social media? Because that guy is better known as “Big Balls,” one of DOGE’s main henchmen. He reportedly got beat up in a carjacking in downtown D.C. last night. After that, Trump threatened a federal takeover of the entire city.
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LET'S MEET, IRL
Lovett is BACK with new shows at Dynasty Typewriter after unsuccessfully seeking asylum in Canada. We're sorry that didn't work out. Join him this Thursday, August 7th, along with special guests Jeopardy LEGENDS Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider plus comedian Tim Heidecker, Vanessa Gonzalez, & MORE for a great show. Get tickets at crooked.com/events!
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Good Pieorgi, the Martha’s Vineyard vendor that refused to sell to grumpy old lawyer Alan Dershowitz last week, enjoyed an extremely long line of customers today, showing support for their decision. Dershowitz showed up, too, begging them to sell him pierogies in “an effort to restore community” among other bullshit excuses. The crowd wasn’t having it, lol.
“South Park” will take on Trump’s immigration raids and poke fun at Kristi Noem’s “ICE Barbie” persona in the show’s next episode. After DHS tweeted a frame from the episode’s teaser, the “South Park” account shot back: “Wait, so we ARE relevant? #eatabagofdicks,” because the White House said the show isn’t relevant. We love to see it.
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