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When sex trafficking charges were brought against Sean “Diddy” Combs, it marked a rare and significant moment. Many advocates saw it as a step forward that prosecutors were willing to pursue trafficking charges—a move that’s still uncommon when there’s a romantic relationship involved.

Ultimately, the jury did not convict him on sex trafficking. They did, however, convict him under the Mann Act—a law related to transporting someone for commercial sex. While we don’t know exactly what the jury wrestled with, many legal experts believe the challenge came down to proving force, fraud, or coercion beyond a reasonable doubt. Especially when the survivor had a relationship with the perpetrator.

And that’s why I feel compelled to say this:

The Diddy trial—and others like it before—have stirred up a lot of thoughts for me. And maybe for some of you, too.

What strikes me most is that this basic truth still isn’t understood by everyone:

You don’t have to be kicking and screaming (literally or metaphorically) to be a victim.

You can feel affection for the person who’s victimizing you. You can be in a relationship with them. You can even (believe you) love them. That doesn’t make the harm okay. It doesn’t make it any less of a crime.

In my daily work at Love146, an organization dedicated to ending child trafficking and supporting survivors, I know that most of the youth we serve in our Survivor Care have been victimized by someone they knew. Oftentimes by someone they trusted. And yes, sometimes even by someone they loved.

The presence of affection or consent at moments does not mean the whole story is clear of abusive and criminal components. And consent for some actions does not imply universal consent for all of them.

If you’re reading this and that feels obvious, I’m glad. It means we have a foundation in society (you!) to build on. At Love146, I’ve learned that this basic fact — that not all victimization is a situation of unceasing physical force — is obvious to most people when it comes to toddlers and young children. But do we understand it for all survivors?

I was victimized before starting kindergarten (my own experience wasn’t trafficking, but it was abuse). And even for that circumstance, the lie that I “didn’t fight back enough” has had power. The shame of not resisting more. The fear that I was complicit. Those are the lies many survivors carry.

So yes, we tend to get this when the child is five, six, eight. But do we get it when the victim is a teen? Do we understand this for adults? For boys and men?

Anyone can be a victim.

Victimization doesn’t always look how we think it will. It doesn’t always look like force or desperation. Survival often means trying to manage what feels inevitable. And deciding how to manage that can depend on whether someone believes you—whether they’ll understand that it wasn’t okay and if they’ll back you up.

If we want a better world, we have to grow in our understanding. I believe we can.

And to survivors reading this—especially those whose perpetrators weren’t tried or convicted, or were convicted of lesser charges: that verdict doesn’t define what happened to you.

Cassie and Jane Doe both testified for multiple days, sharing painful and detailed accounts. So many youth in Love146’s Survivor Care have opened up in ways that cost them dearly—emotionally, socially, and legally—only to watch their experience be minimized.

You know your story. You know what happened, and your experience is real, whether or not a courtroom called it trafficking.

We see you. We believe you. And we will keep walking forward, together.

Marilyn Murray

Director of Communications

Love146

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Founded in 2002, Love146 journeys alongside children impacted by trafficking today and prevents the trafficking of children tomorrow. Our prevention education and survivor care work has reached more than 100,000 young people. Our work is achieved through the power of relationships and collaboration, listening to those with lived experience, scaling proven practices, and challenging the systems that leave children vulnerable. Our core commitment is to do what is best for children.
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* No identifiable children featured in Love146 communications are known to be exploited.

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