John,

Changing diapers. Holding your child’s hand when you cross the street. Checking for monsters under the bed after a nightmare. Dads have so many different caregiving duties. But these duties don’t look the same for all dads. Dads of color, and especially Black dads, also have to navigate interpersonal and structural racism.

Black dads have to have “the conversation” with their kids… the one where they explain everyday racism in this country and steps their children must take to stay safe in interactions with police. And, as we've seen all too often, even “the conversation” can’t protect our Black families.

This Father’s Day, we’re asking you and your loved ones to have a conversation about how race has impacted your relationship, ability to be parents, and ability to care — especially if you’ve never had to have this conversation before.

We’re asking you to dig deep with the fathers in your life, and have one of these vulnerable, loving, and yes, sometimes hard conversations.

Here are some questions to get you started having a conversation with your dad:

1. When did you become aware that your race impacts your role as a father?
2. How does race impact your parenting as a father? How does it show up in your caregiving?
3. What feelings, thoughts, and reflections are you holding in this moment as a father and a caregiver?
4. Have you had to contend with stereotypes about how you show up as a father? What has that felt like?
5. What would it look like or feel like to be a father if we were living in an accessible, non-racist, safe culture and world?

If you’re unsure how to proceed with beginning a conversation like this, don’t worry. We’ve got you — click here for a full guide on talking about race, racism, and caregiving. And if you want to know what these conversations can look like — heart-centered, generous, and honest — watch our Dinner with Friends from last Thursday.

Maybe Father’s Day feels like a strange time to delve into a conversation that could feel uncomfortable or even risky. It might help you to think about the fact that those conversations have been the reality for Black and brown fathers forever. And if we are truly invested in challenging racism in our lives, policies, and the care infrastructure, it’s time.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. You know as well as we do that hard conversations lead to growth, help us raise thoughtful children, and strengthen our relationships.

With care,

Caring Across Generations