Mission Accomplished all over again.”
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Donald Trump is showing once again that his foreign policy doctrine amounts to: “ We’re America, Bitch.” But — surprise surprise! — this approach comes with some downsides.
- Did President Donald Trump’s dangerous, risky, warmongering, YOLO-style, hold-my-beer airstrikes on Iran actually achieve anything? That is to say: Sure, they risked sparking a broader regional conflict, or even a brand new American Forever War. But did they knock out, or even seriously damage, Iran’s nuclear program? The one that Trump keeps saying was “obliterated”? Even Trump’s own spies are doubtful. They’ve got good reason to be.
- The United Nations’s nuclear watchdog believes Iran could’ve simply moved its near-bomb-grade materials… somewhere else. After all, satellite images showed cargo trucks lining up outside one of Iran’s facilities before the strikes. A leaked classified U.S. intelligence report concludes that the strikes only pushed back Iran’s nuke program by a few months, CNN reports. (The White House called the assessment “flat-out wrong.”)
- But even Vice President JD Vance is leaving room for skepticism. The location of Iran’s uranium “is not the question before us,” Vance insisted to Fox News host Bret Baier last night. (Really?! I would like to know where it is!) Instead, Vance claimed, the real question is: “Can Iran enrich the uranium to weapons-grade level, and can they convert that fuel into a nuclear weapon?” The answer to that one, the veep claimed, is no. Well, phew! Problem solved!
- The country’s nearly 900 pounds of uranium is “buried,” Vance said. (Okay, even if that one’s true, does Farsi have no word for “shovel”?) He shook off another question about whether Iran could eventually rebuild its program. Even Baier seemed skeptical — and he’s hardly alone: Plenty of experts openly worry that Trump’s fuck-all-you-guys attack might have primarily just pissed off Iran.
- “The worst case is that Iran already has a secret operational enrichment facility, a nearly mature design for a nuclear weapon and can manufacture one in a few months,” nuclear expert James Acton wrote in Politico. “The best case, which is far from the most likely, is that further military action destroys Iran’s stockpiles of highly enriched uranium and centrifuge components. Even this outcome is hardly good, however. Because Iran retains knowledge and expertise, it could likely rebuild its entire nuclear program in a few years.”
Former President George W. Bush notoriously appeared under a “ Mission Accomplished” banner as Iraq plunged into turmoil. Is this Trump’s turn?
- Trump fumed with anger this morning after Israel and Iran kept pounding each other with missiles overnight, despite his insistence that they had agreed to a ceasefire. He appeared genuinely stunned that the countries didn’t listen to him: “We basically — we have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” he groused to reporters, before boarding a plane to the NATO Summit in the Netherlands. You could almost see the smoke funneling out of his ears as he raged.
- He took that manic energy to Truth Social, thundering at Israel: “DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW!” Half an hour later, Trump announced that Israel wasn’t going to attack: “All planes will turn around and head home, while doing a friendly ‘Plane Wave’ to Iran. Nobody will be hurt, the Ceasefire is in effect!”
- In typical Trump fashion, he declared that “we have made PEACE abroad.” But this whole debacle could still unravel in a Tehran minute — along with Trump’s legacy. He may get credit for negotiating temporary peace between two longtime enemies. But the president’s critics want you to remember: We wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t pulled out of the Obama-era Iran deal, which limited Iran’s nuclear program in exchange for sanctions relief, during his first term.
“A diplomatic deal is how you permanently solve the problem,” Crooked’s Tommy Vietor said in the latest episode of Pod Save America. “Bombing Iran is a temporary solution with all kinds of secondary and third-order impacts that we just can’t predict.” |
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Emil Bove, one of Donald Trump’s top Department of Justice officials, told colleagues that the DOJ “would need to consider telling the courts ‘fuck you’ and ignore any such order” that attempts to stop the president’s deportation agenda, according to a whistleblower account. This is Trump’s former personal defense attorney, and the same dude Trump nominated to be a federal judge… and apparently he’s got the legal ethics of a Marvel villain.
Trump and his top officials are planning a nationwide victory tour to celebrate the passage of his “big, beautiful bill.” It’s slated to be sometime after July 4, which is when Trump wants the bill to be passed — but lawmakers are having a tough time staying on track. “To my friends in the Senate, lock yourself in a room if you must, don’t go home, and GET THE DEAL DONE THIS WEEK,” Trump wrote on social media. “NO ONE GOES ON VACATION UNTIL IT’S DONE.” Okay, mom!
Harvard officials are privately discussing whether to strike a deal with the Trump administration to end its assault on the school, the New York Times reports. But Harvard doesn’t want to appear to be appeasing Trump or compromising its values, like other institutions have.
The Wall Street Journal achieved peak Wall Street Journal with this headline today: “New York’s Housing Crisis Is So Bad That a Socialist Might Become Mayor.” Wow, that faint tinkling sound you hear is the paper’s editors clutching their ultra-capitalist pearls! I mean, could it be that maybe voters like Mamdani’s other policies to benefit the working class, or his undeniable charisma? Perhaps they just don’t want a sex pest in office? The endorsement from EmRata today certainly didn’t hurt.
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"Big Balls" has left the building! Erm, that is to say, Edward Coristine, the infamous 19-year-old who dubbed himself “Big Balls” and spearheaded some of DOGE’s efforts, resigned from the federal government, the White House told WIRED. This is truly the end of an era: One of our headlines from the early days of this whirlwind presidency was titled “ Operation: Big Balls.” Well… What can we say. Keep on swingin’, Eddie.
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)’s plan to sell thousands of acres of federal land violates Senate rules and isn’t allowed to be included in the “big, beautiful bill,” according to the Senate parliamentarian. His efforts might not be dead yet, but environmentalists are declaring victory. Our pals over at Crooked Ideas, who made this hilarious viral video about the bill, must be pumped.
The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that state regulators can force landowners to clean up “forever chemicals” before they’re officially designated as a hazardous substance. It’s another big win for environmentalists in a yearslong battle over how to deal with contamination from the chemicals, which can harm the environment and peoples’ health.
Venetian anti-oligarchy protestors rejoiced today after billionaire bozo Jeff Bezos and fiancé Lauren Sanchez changed their wedding venue away from the Floating City, which was the goal of the “No Space for Bezos” demonstrations. The pair had planned to hold a massive party along the canals, the group said. Now, the Amazon founder will hold his cursed festivities at a shipyard on the outskirts of Venice, lol. Sending some humble pie, same day delivery, Jeff!
Kenyan runner Faith Kipyegon will attempt on Thursday to become the first woman in history to run the mile under four minutes. She’s already the fastest woman in the world in that category, but she’s gotta shave nearly eight seconds off to reach the milestone. Go, Faith, go!
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