This piece came to be because, one day in our team’s Slack channel, one of us started griping about something our husband did. And then it turned into a general discussion of simmering resentments and dumb stuff our husband had done to piss us off. So it led Julie Sprankles to ask, “Is being low-key angry at your husband all the time a universal experience in hetero marriages?”

She spoke with a variety of experts to ask if it’s “normal” and what in the hell you can do about it if you can hardly stand the man some days. You’re welcome.

Whether you’re setting them with a family member or a friend, it’s important to figure out exactly what you need.