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Donât Worry, Bibi
Donald may have split with Elon and sold his little deuce coupe Tesla, but you can be sure heâs going to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran. How else can he get Netanyahu to let his beach boy son-in law turn Gaza into the next Kokomo?
by Maureen Dowd
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Census data says Los Angeles has 4 million total residents. A birther crypto scammer convicted of 34 felony fraud charges says the city harbors "Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens." For busy voters, it can be hard to know who to trust.
The owner of Twitter sends out 100 right wing propaganda tweets every single day and the algorithm is set up so that every single person on Twitter has to see every single one of these tweets. Now hereâs another piece about Blue Skyâs ideological diversity problem.
Cliffâs Note:
Well, Well, Well⊠The MAGA Cult Finally Found Something to Fight About
Foreign policy. Thatâs what it took. Not the corruption. Not the grifting. Not the tax cuts for billionaires while working folks lose jobs, healthcare and homes. Not the kids in cages. Not the insurrection. Not the time he told people to inject bleach, or screamed âtheyâre eating the petsâ on live tv. Not the 34 count conviction. Not the time a judge found he committed rape in a civil trial.
Not the payoff to the porn star he had sex with while his wife was home with their newborn. Not that he wears a girdle. Not the âshithole countriesâ that just all happened to be in Africa. Not his aptly named (by Penn Jillette) âpiss cotton candy hair.â Not when he stared directly into an eclipse. Not his role in creating Eric Trump.
No, whatâs finally tearing Trumpâs MAGA coalition apart is the oldest snake pit in politics: war. It turns out that even cults may have their limitsâespecially when their Dear Leader starts sounding like Dick Cheney circa early 2000s. Ya know, when he was so bored heâd go hunting and shoot a random friend in the face.
Trumpâs fanatics spent years giving the thumbs up every time heâd like a bag of poop on fire, place it on their doormat, ring and run. They stopped even pretending to support fiscal responsibility, moral values, constitutionalism and basic common sense faster than you can say âMar-a-Lago crapper converted into stolen-document-storage center.â
But now that Trumpâs frothing at the mouth to drop 30,000-pound bombs on Iran? Well, suddenly the MAGA brain-worm trust is splintering into isolationists, war-hawks and good old-fashioned conspiracy grifters calling each other âkookyâ on Fox, Newsmax, Truth Social and Telegram. Or the Mai-Tai-meth cocktail version of Thomas Paineâs âCommon Sense.â
This is what happens when many in a movement pretending to care about âAmerica Firstâ realize their messiah only ever meant Trump First. Whoops.
Tucker Carlson, who spent years turning the Fox News audience demographic of constipation-battling 78-year old prigs into a paranoid militia with Wi-Fi, is doing his best Abby Hoffmanâslamming Trump for selling out the base. Steve Bannonâs sounding like he just read Foreign Affairs. Marjorie Taylor Greene is so off the MAGA-beaten path I half expect her to tweet âworkers of the world, uniteâ at any moment.
Meanwhile, Trumpâs on Truth Social daring them to start their own TV networks if theyâve got something to say. Leadership, folks! Which reminds me, for us to ignore Putinâs role in convincing these Americans to stop an attack on Iran, his ally, would be to miss a key plot point.
Not to mention Putinâs providing talking points to Tucker, who skipped on over to Moscow do supermarket propaganda for Putin in the past, as yo may recall. And MTG, whoâs never met a Russian talking point she canât regurgitate. You can be on the right side for the wrong reasons, folks.
The thing about Trump is he never had a foreign policy philosophy. Hell, the man doesnât know when World War II ended, mixed up the fascist leaders of Turkey and Hungary and pronounces China like he learned it from watching porn. His only foreign policy has been fear. Anger. Resentment. Ya know, the stuff Yoda warned would land you squarely on the Sith side of things.
âAmerica Firstâ was never a doctrineâit was a catchy bumper sticker that could mean anything and everything, but really was just about Trumpâs transactional loyalty. If it made Trump look tough, score a headline, get a bribe or gain the ability to bathe in the adulation of the MAGA base? Game on!
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Bombing Iran? Sure. Meeting with the Taliban at Camp David? Why the fuck not? Sell out the Kurds? Who are they again? No, really, who are they? Trumpâs like a geopolitical toddler smashing Legos just to see what topples over. And laughing at the destruction when heâs done.
And now itâs happening. The Israel-Iran conflict is real. It's dangerous. And itâs pulling a thread on the frayed MAGA quilt. Some in this coalition of the willing to destroy America, like Mark Levin and Lindsey âLick the Bootâ Graham, are lining up to bang the war drums, all but begging Trump to put on some Idi Amin-esque, metal-littered military garb and go all Greg Stillson from âThe Dead Zone.â
The missiles are flying. Hallelujah, hallelujah
Othersâlike Jack Posobiec, Candace Owens, Rep. Tom Massieâare scrambling to remind voters that âendless warsâ are badâŠblah blah blahâŠitâs Democratsâ fault..blah blah blahâŠJews control the world...etc. Remember, Posobiec has openly called for the overthrow of American democracy, Owens said Hitler did good work domestically and Massie is one of the half dozen who posed for the Charlie Manson deluxe Christmas Card with his familyâincluding kidsâall holding assault rifles.
As I said, right side, but for very wrong reasons (except that first one about endless wars). Donât break out the champagne yet, though. Like these guys do constantly on tv:
Remember, MAGA was never bound by ideas. Or strategy. Or the ability to exhibit an adult-level emotional IQ. It wasâand still isâbound by the permission slip Trump provided for open cruelty and bigotry, vengeance vs those who got ahead because they were allowed to competeâas well as those who fought for the opportunityâpure greed and, of course, the cultish devotion of people who think tough talk is tough-ness.
If Trump flips again tomorrow and says bombing Iran is some woke shit, half the movement will fall back in line and chant âUSA! USA!â like nothing ever happened. The other half will forget that the potential for a war even existed, much as they do about the existence of vegetables or multi-syllabic words. And thereâs a good chance Trump will indeed flipâletâs remember: infrastructure week, tariffs, NATO, tariffs, a healthcare bill, tariffs, and also letâs not forget: tariffs.
Trump switches sides more than a triple agent. And if anything involves critical thinking, work or not getting distracted by a squirrel outside there is a solid chance heâll change his view. Honestly, his pure stupidity and laziness usually saves us from the worst outcome, and thereâs good reason to think that will also happen here.
Still, thereâs reason for concern. If he goes through with war, you can be sure heâll 1) fuck it up 2) quit paying attention halfway through 3) strike a match in whatâs already a political and theological tinderbox with no idea what to do. You see, Trump voters, we didnât just tell you Trump would suck harder than an anaconda on a year-long vegan diet for our health. Actually, come to think of it, we did.
Weâll see if the MAGA machine eats itself. But if this foreign policy fracture holdsâand it feels like it may, as it seems like a final straw after dissension on tariffs, the budget bill, mass deportations and moreâit may be the first real proof Trumpâs grip on the GOP isnât divine, that itâs just been a really long and effective con.
But every con has an expiration date. I assume only more so when it involves body bags.
Whether it's Democrats putting flyers on Chris Cillizzaâs Tesla or Republicans assassinating Democratic lawmakers, it's time for both sides to turn down the temperature.
My 3 year-old was reading the Times when he turned to me, gravely, and asked: "Daddy, why did the senator ask mean questions to the nice plastic surgery lady?" And when I told him "because that lady pledged to liberate LA from socialists," he started crying.
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