Dear John,
"Trapped in Psychosis, unseen by the system"
By Andrew Wilson, DMProC, AIPPC, EML
As I sat alone, the voices in my head grew louder — a relentless cacophony of negativity and doubt, weaving a narrative of impending doom. They predicted failure in every personal and professional pursuit. They encouraged substance abuse. They issued threats. Then came the stinging, stabbing, and burning sensations — tactile hallucinations that made me feel constantly touched, manipulated, and violated, even in the most private areas of my body.
It was a full sensory assault — a symphony of distortions — that made me feel like a puppet of forces I could not see or understand. These hallucinations weren’t fleeting. They were ongoing, immersive, and agonizing. They shattered my sense of identity and left me in a constant state of hypervigilance and fear.
This is the daily reality of someone living with a likely psychotic disorder complicated by anosognosia, the clinical term for a lack of insight. At my worst, I didn’t even realize I was unwell. And even when I began to suspect something was wrong, I couldn’t find meaningful help. The system I turned to was not equipped to support someone who was deteriorating without meeting the threshold of a legal or medical emergency.
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Personally Speaking blog posts are a way for people impacted by severe mental illness to tell the truth of their experience. TAC is able to continue offering the space and support for lived experience due to donations received during the annual Torrey Action Fund. Please consider making a donation today.
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