MATT BERG
& CROOKED MEDIA

MONDAY
APRIL 7, 2025

MAGDA: Make America Great Depression Again.” 

 
— James Austin Johnson, [impersonating President Donald Trump]([link removed]), the self-proclaimed Tariff Man, in SNL’s Cold Open

BAD THINGS,

DONE BADLY

Donald Trump’s worst ideas are being made even worse by haphazard, sloppy implementation. Go figure!

- President Donald Trump’s first term was famously characterized as [“malevolence tempered by incompetence”]([link removed])— a concise phrase that basically means, hey, he may be cruel and greedy, but at least he’s also terrible at doing stuff! Or, y’know, think of a dyspeptic hammerhead shark… that’s not very good at swimming or biting.  

- That helps explain why, for example, he campaigned so hard on Build The Wall! and… never built the wall. Other terrible ideas were defused by anxious staffers and experts. He may have mused about curing COVID with bleach injections, or fighting hurricanes with nuclear weapons, but no one ever actually tried it. 

- This time, things look different. The guardrails are largely gone, just as we were warned they would be. Trump is no longer supervised inside the White House like a psychiatric inmate by the likes of former Chief of Staff John Kelly. Now, the president’s worst ideas come zooming out. The fact that he and his team implement them poorly only creates mistakes that make them worse.
 

- Call it “malevolence amplified by incompetence.” Take a bad idea, and make it even worse through scattershot implementation. You don’t have to look far to find examples.

 
Bone-headed mistakes are augmenting the damage of tariffs, deportations and so-called “government efficiency.” 

- A colossal math error apparently amplified the size of the tariffs four-fold, [according to the conservative American Enterprise Institute]([link removed]). Trump’s team accidentally canceled out two of the variables in the equation they used to calculate the rates, the think tank’s economists said. The result: Massive tariffs that turned the stock market into a towering nuclear mushroom cloud. “The S&P 500 Is Crashing Like Its 1987,” reads a [Wall Street Journal]([link removed]) headline — referencing the unexpected global market crash known as Black Monday. Even billionaire Bill Ackman, a Trump backer, [urged the president]([link removed]) to stop weighing “economic nuclear war on every country.”
 

- Trump's deportation policy hardly looks more responsible. His team admitted that it sent the wrong person to an infamous Salvadoran mega-prison. But the story gets worse: More than half of the 238 Venezuelan migrants sent to El Salvador — who were accused by the Trumpies of being violent gang members or terrorists — [had no criminal record]([link removed]). Instead, these prisoners include “a makeup artist, a soccer player and a food delivery driver,” CBS reports. Now, they’re stuck, with seemingly no way to challenge their incarceration. 

- Meanwhile, the Trump team is firing people left and right — with deep losses to expertise in critical areas. A big advance in cancer therapy [has been slowed down]([link removed]) by the devastating layoffs at the National Institutes of Health. HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. [fired people who work]([link removed]) on battling chronic disease. Employees who worked on the bird flu response were [mistakenly laid off]([link removed]). The cuts are hamstringing crucial services: The website used by millions of retirees and disabled people to receive Social Security benefits [has repeatedly crashed]([link removed]), sometimes for an entire day. 

Putting Trump in the White House is a bit like handing a guy a grenade launcher… and hoping that his terrible aim will keep us safe.

S&P -500

Did a single tweet, based on unverified information, move trillions of dollars of stock market value today? Hard to say for sure — but it does [kinda look that way]([link removed]). 
 
This morning, a Fox News host asked Trump economic adviser Kevin Hassett if Trump would consider a 90-day pause of the tariffs (because everyone in the world hates his plan). Hassett responded: “The president is going to decide what the president is going to decide.”
 
Some random influencer with the last name “Bloomberg” apparently saw that clip and posted: “🚨HASSETT: TRUMP IS CONSIDERING A 90-DAY PAUSE FOR ALL COUNTRIES EXCEPT CHINA.”
 
(Yes, the guy’s account has a verified blue checkmark — because Elon Musk gutted Twitter’s verification policies after he bought the platform, and put checkmarks up for sale.) 
 
The White House immediately denied the report, and the dude deleted his tweet, while falsely [tagging]([link removed]) Reuters as the source. 
 
“INSANE market action right now,” tweeted Joe Weisenthal, a journalist at the real Bloomberg news outlet. He cited an 8 percent surge (trillions of dollars in value) in the stock market… because investors likely thought the pause was a real possibility. Seconds later, stocks again plunged 3.5 percent.
 
“s&p is now a memecoin,” one user [tweeted]([link removed]), comparing the S&P 500 to a type of highly volatile cryptocurrency (with names like Fartcoin).
 
Money isn’t real! Keep buying avocado toast, millennials!

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WHAT ELSE?

[The measles vaccine is the “most effective way” to prevent the disease]([link removed]) from spreading, HHS Secretary and famed vaccine skeptic Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said. That’s a major shift, coming shortly after a second child in Texas died from the measles. Previously, he’s touted vitamin A (which experts say doesn’t work) — and some unvaccinated kids in West Texas [have arrived at the hospital]([link removed]) with signs of vitamin A toxicity.
 
[Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts paused the deadline]([link removed]) for the Trump administration to bring back Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a Maryland father, who was accidentally deported to El Salvador. Roberts agreed to hold the deadline until the Supreme Court can resolve Trump’s request to lift an order from a judge to return Garcia.  
 
[On that note, the Trump administration suspended one of its own attorneys]([link removed]) for failing to “zealously advocate” for its inhumane deportation policies in court. During a Friday hearing, a federal judge asked Erez Reuveni, a Trump Department of Justice, why they can’t bring back a man who was accidentally deported to El Salvador. “I am also frustrated that I have no answers for you on a lot of these questions,” Reuveni replied. Stop telling the truth, Erez, that’s not what the White House wants you to do!
 
[Donald Trump said the U.S. is having direct talks with Iran]([link removed]) about the country’s nuclear program. “We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office, sitting beside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. “Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.” Not exactly sure what “the obvious” is here…
 
[Trump threatened to slap an additional 50 percent tariff on China]([link removed]) if it doesn’t remove the 34 percent tariffs it placed on the U.S. I think he’s just spitting out random numbers at this point, consequences be damned! 
 
[Tesla’s stock fell today to levels that Commerce Secretary]([link removed]) Howard Lutnick predicted we would never see again, in a remarkable sign of how much consumers hate Trump’s tariff plan and Elon Musk. 
 
[Trump’s National Park Service redesigned its Underground Railroad website]([link removed]), removing a once-prominent picture of Harriet Tubman and instead highlighting “Black/White cooperation.” The secret network “bridged the divides of race,” reads the site. 
 
[Dads are famously bad at using technology, and national security adviser]([link removed]) Mike Waltz is no exception: He mistakenly added Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg’s number under the contact card for Brian Hughes, the spokesperson for the National Security Council. That’s how Goldberg got added to the doomer Signal war plans chat, according to The Guardian. Side note: Waltz has a [kid named Armie]([link removed])… named after the Army? ‘Merica!
 
[Even Trump’s top officials are human, I’ve deduced, after learning]([link removed]) that 
Interior Secretary Doug Burgum makes his staff bake fresh, warm chocolate chip cookies for him. And you better make ’em good, or else Burgum will send them back. Honestly, this is the most relatable, humanizing story I’ve ever heard about the Trump cabinet. I mean, if I ever get to run an agency, that place will smell like it’s staffed by the Keebler elves. 

[An American Youtuber was arrested in India after leaving a can]([link removed]) of Diet Coke on an island in the Indian Ocean for an isolated tribe. I really understand why so many countries dislike Americans.

THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM
 
Crooked’s newest series, Shadow Kingdom: God’s Banker, is your next obsession. 
 
It all starts with a tip to journalist Nicolo Majnoni from an old friend—one that pulls him deep into the story of Vatican banker Roberto Calvi, who was found hanging under a London bridge in 1982. Officials called it a suicide. But Nicolo isn’t so sure. But was Calvi laundering Mafia money through the Vatican Bank? From there, things escalate quickly—an Italian warehouse raid uncovers a far-right society plotting a coup, toppling Italy’s government and forcing Calvi into a corner. Just as he turns to the Vatican for protection, an assassination attempt on the Pope shakes the Church to its core. What happens next? 
 
Listen to [Shadow Kingdom: God’s Banker]([link removed]) now wherever you get your podcasts—or binge all episodes now at [crooked.com/friends]([link removed]) or on the Shadow Kingdom Apple Podcasts feed.
 
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[Tens of thousands of protestors participated in “Hands Off” rallies]([link removed]) in all 50 states over the weekend, and there were some… eye-catching signs. Take a look! My favorite: A drawing of penguins in sweaters that read “no tariffs.”

[Legendary hockey star Alex Ovechkin broke Wayne Gretzky’s]([link removed]) all-time scoring record, hitting his 895th career shot. “They say records are made to be broken, but I’m not sure who's gonna get more goals than that,” Ovechkin said afterwards. Once I learn to skate, it’s over for you!

[A day on Uranus is now 28 seconds longer than it was in the 1980s,]([link removed]) according to NASA researchers. I love astronomy and weird scientific facts like these. But that’s the LAST thing I need to happen on this planet…
 

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